Captain Dumbass

Anonymous - 26/05/2020 05:00

Today, after my husband spent several days in his shed welding, he showed me his completed Captain America shield. It looked shit. I warned him not to throw it, but he threw it anyway, missed his target, bounced it off the garage and smashed the kitchen window, showering our kids in glass. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

yardswoman - 29/06/2016 23:01

Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML

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Mythbusters

Anonymous - 30/01/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while trying to prove how easy it would be for a burglar to break in, my drunk dad threw a brick at my window. Luckily, he missed. It hit the wall and bounced off. Unluckily, it bounced off, landed on my wife’s car, broke the windscreen, slid off, and put a long scratch down the bonnet. FML

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Stop! Hammertime!

Anonymous - 17/07/2022 00:00

Today, my husband picked up and threw a hammer which smashed a hole in the plastic side of the conservatory, that daylight and rain can now get through, all because he “thought” he saw a mouse, which turned out to be one of my fluffy slippers half hidden under a chair. FML

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flustered - 06/05/2012 14:57 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

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Heart of Glass

blahblahblah - 15/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML

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Lesson learned

Anonymous - 10/12/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst showing my kids how to replace a light bulb safely, I gave myself and electric shock, and dropped the bulb. Twice in a row. In hindsight I should have let my husband do all the DIY-based educating, since I now have a glass shard in my big toe. FML

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Lee Trevi-not

Anonymous - 10/10/2019 12:07

Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML

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Anonymous - 23/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

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Gun control

Anonymous - 14/12/2021 20:01

Today, our 9 year-old son managed to shoot himself in the gut with my nail gun. According to my wife, this is completely my fault, because I ONLY kept it in my locked garage, ONLY secured in its box, ONLY completely disconnected from the power, ONLY on the highest shelf near the roof. FML

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Llaurin - 24/01/2011 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

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BurnInDemonFire 35

Tuesday 26 May 2020 17:24

America has a new ass.

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 26 May 2020 8:42

You need to report him to CPS! Comic Protagonist Saviors, that is, you can't let the Captain America brand get damaged by your idiot husband who injured his own kids.

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 26 May 2020 8:42

You need to report him to CPS! Comic Protagonist Saviors, that is, you can't let the Captain America brand get damaged by your idiot husband who injured his own kids.

BurnInDemonFire 35

Tuesday 26 May 2020 17:24

America has a new ass.

mdavis0529 14

Tuesday 26 May 2020 20:03

Why would you be with such an incredible moron to start with?

tounces7 27

Wednesday 27 May 2020 6:29

I'm sure you knew he was an idiot when you married him, and you married him anyway, so....

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

Wednesday 27 May 2020 16:28

maybe he shouldn't play with blowtorches

J15237 25

Wednesday 27 May 2020 20:01

Well you didn't mention your children needed to go to the hospital or anything so that is a bright side. Second you now get to possibly redesign the window in your kitchen if you had been wanting a new one. Also boys will be boys and hey shit happens. I think your husband just did something that a lot of men would probably do.