Weird BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS

Anonymous - 23/01/2022 00:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I got to find out via a news article that Tucker Carlson apparently wants to do the Green M&M cartoon from the commercials. I didn't need to know this. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Learning

dummy - 11/07/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

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rivercitybarf - 08/08/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

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Not a sponsored post, honest

Superwoman678 - 27/10/2020 05:01 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML

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masterman - 27/08/2012 06:45 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

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MaggotMother - 20/04/2013 10:51 - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

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As a treat

Anonymous - 16/04/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I decided to snack on some M&M's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my M&M's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the M&M off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an M&M. It was a dead beetle. FML

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Anonymous - 29/06/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

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That old switcheroo

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

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Scotty - 28/07/2014 10:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML

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Dammit - 07/07/2012 04:45 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

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Nikki 17

Sunday 23 January 2022 6:34

Neither did we. Thanks

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 23 January 2022 17:04

It makes sense that the only way that racist son-of-a-bitch would be attracted to a woman of color is if she is green.

Nikki 17

Sunday 23 January 2022 6:34

Neither did we. Thanks

randybryant799 20

Sunday 23 January 2022 7:17

**** all our lives!!

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 23 January 2022 17:04

It makes sense that the only way that racist son-of-a-bitch would be attracted to a woman of color is if she is green.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML

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Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

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Today, my wife found out about all the crazy stuff my ex and I used to do in my car, which I still drive. Serves me right for encouraging them to be friends. I hope she doesn’t find out about what went down on our ottoman, I can’t afford a new one. FML

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Today, there's a food thief in our office who manages to steal from the fridge without being caught, and everyone keeps blaming me, probably because I’m the fattest. I have a gastric band and can only eat a few mouthfuls before being full, but still people think I’m stealing entire bags of food. FML

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Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML

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Today, after a night of vomiting and diarrhoea, my family forced me to our beach house for the night. I packed my bag and my mum said she put my bag in the car. We get there where we realise she forgot to put my bag in the car. Not a big deal I thought. 5 minutes later I shit and vomited myself. FML

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