Gross Animals Bon appétit - FML

Bon appétit

Anonymous - 05/09/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from underground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls, only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

catstew - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

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Surprise, MFer!

Anonymous - 04/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML

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Bad friends

Anonymous - 18/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML

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Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

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Anonymous - 04/12/2013 16:24 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I went to a wake. When my dad picked me up, I was still pretty upset. Just when I'd had enough of death, the car hits a raccoon on the way home. FML

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and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

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TheCerealKiller - 07/08/2012 09:19 - United States - Northridge

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

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Darwin smiled

Ihateracoons - 06/09/2022 06:30

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

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orilykid - 31/10/2012 17:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

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annonymous - 28/02/2010 06:31 - France

Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML

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malheartsnutmeg 20

Sunday 5 September 2010 12:07

You can almost taste the rabies. :o

lionandthelamb61 9

Sunday 5 September 2010 12:06

mmmm...tastes like chicken

cstrat 0

Sunday 5 September 2010 23:49

Why your friends would need a moron like you to explain something obvious to them is beyond me.

andytheandy 0

Sunday 5 September 2010 23:59

sad... American healthcare comment? hello liberal dependent.... get a real job and do not depend on government moron lmao

moon21_fml 0

Monday 6 September 2010 2:24

this is why i don't trust environmentalists...

thisissparta 0

Monday 6 September 2010 2:25

haha idiot

arkashadow 0

Monday 6 September 2010 2:38

way to go noob.

LovesToFlirt 9

Monday 6 September 2010 3:09

Lmao! You so deserved that. Bahahah.

KiaraMonet 0

Monday 6 September 2010 3:34

Ew! Thats Freakin Digusting!

sarahmegs 0

Monday 6 September 2010 3:46

how would you not notice a dead raccoon floating near you before you drank? haha

sexychocolate92 0

Monday 6 September 2010 3:51

LOL!

celkey 0

Monday 6 September 2010 4:04

lmao XD that's so funny!

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

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Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

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Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

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Today, on my airplane ride home, the woman next to me wasn't feeling too well. She pulled out the air sickness bag to throw up into and missed. Her vomit splattered all over the seat in front of her and all over me. We were both covered in puke. And that was only my first of two flights. FML

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Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

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Today, I was born and raised in Georgia, and later moved to Florida for college. I'm not sure which state has more embarrassing representation right now. I'm literally scared of what new laws might be passed, or what rights taken away. I wish I had enough money to move to another country. FML

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