Intimacy Belly Finger - FML

Belly Finger

ihmmil - 18/01/2020 14:00

Today, my husband was trying to be sexy, and asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger". Major mood kill. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

No kink-shaming on FML

thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

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The language of love

disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

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A teaching moment

Sensitive!!! - 24/08/2020 21:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

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Smooth talking

...thanks honey - 18/08/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

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milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

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Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

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Hey good lookin'

Anonymous - 18/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML

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Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

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WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

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Cut it out

uhhggggg - 02/01/2010 17:16 - France

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

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RichardPencil 30

Saturday 18 January 2020 16:21

Tell him you want to see if he can get it in your "Front Butt Hole." You'll both be celibate for a while.

Giritina99 2

Saturday 18 January 2020 16:44

His what...?

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 18 January 2020 16:21

Tell him you want to see if he can get it in your "Front Butt Hole." You'll both be celibate for a while.

Giritina99 2

Saturday 18 January 2020 16:44

His what...?

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 18 January 2020 18:37

What is erect penis? Now l'll take Boner-Killing Euphemisms for $800, Alex.

Talented73 54

Saturday 18 January 2020 20:34

in other words, his middle leg.

hamburgerjung 23

Monday 20 January 2020 16:45

*Salutes* Major Mood Kill xD

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Friday 24 January 2020 6:54

That doesn't even make sense - a penis isn't on your belly, idiot. Sounds like someone needs to go back to biology class and learn about the human anatomy.

peterblackmer91 12

Friday 30 April 2021 8:14

Ewwww. I'm with you. That would kill my mood too.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML

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Today, my doctor's office called to reschedule. I hate sacrificing work time at all, but I have to have my contraceptive. The appointment had been set back once already due to insurance issues, and having to wait until November means I'm going to run out… so now I sound like a drug addict. FML

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Today, I went to an orchestra concert and everyone was sat really close together. I tried to avoid hitting people nearby, and tried to lean back to not hit anyone. My bow ended up hitting a cymbal from the percussion section and made quite a loud sound. It was during a really soft part of a song. Kill me. FML

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Today, my insane mother refused to pick me up from school. Her reason was my “little brother” didn’t feel like going in the car. I got upset and snapped that her dog is not my brother when she tried to ground me. She won’t cook, clean, or take care of her family, all for that damn dog. I can’t wait to move. FML

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Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and somehow managed to pull a back muscle. I’ve been naked for 3 hours, scared to move because it hurts so bad. FML

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