Awkward, Wanker Intimacy Alone time - FML

Alone time

Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 26/04/2015 10:05 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

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PizzaNIF - 13/07/2016 17:58 - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

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Stop right now!

Anonymous - 02/06/2013 22:36 - United Kingdom - Grays

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML

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ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

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Old school cool

Chimychunga - 01/08/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

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Bisounours - 22/07/2011 11:23 - France

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

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beachbumb8538 - 15/07/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

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When pranks go too far

ObviousBooty - 17/07/2016 07:31 - United States - Kankakee

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

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monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

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;)loganberry(; - 27/12/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

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iAlissa 34

Thursday 22 October 2015 0:41

That's a huge Dumbledon't

pokemyeyes 23

Thursday 22 October 2015 0:43

"Polishing his wand" *gag* Graphic choice of words there op

nyf137 20

Thursday 22 October 2015 7:30

There are some things you just can't un-see.

ratman775 27

Thursday 22 October 2015 7:40

Polishing his wand? Could't help but laugh.

dannnngthatsux 19

Thursday 22 October 2015 8:33

YDI just for that phrase. Geez.

TiggyBonkers 32

Thursday 22 October 2015 10:04

Ew! That's it. I'm McGonagone!

aeryn97 17

Thursday 22 October 2015 10:39

I'd be scarred for life. LOL

Chloe555_fml 27

Thursday 22 October 2015 10:42

Wingardium Leviosa!

Mechenry 10

Thursday 22 October 2015 11:20

That's just plain Ron.

HerpNdurp88 0

Thursday 22 October 2015 11:41

That's what you get for sneaking around. YDI

ScoobyDude 19

Thursday 22 October 2015 14:11

Looks like no more mid night movies

rojoesydney 6

Thursday 22 October 2015 15:13

Better than watching Edward Penishands **** especially since the original title is Edward scissor hands,your father won't be able to father after that

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I found out that the shampoo I’ve been using has yogurt in, following a prank my boyfriend did. Turns out he forgot about it and I’ve been using it for 5 days now. FML

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Today, I realized whether it's my father, step-bro/sis and even my own mom don't care what happens to me. I stayed away from drugs, have a marriage that is great and kids I love, but none of them can look at me in any way because I have my father's blood. They have no idea I'm extremely suicidal, because I'm quiet about it. FML

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Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

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Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML

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Today, my mom wrote me an email, asking how I was doing after an accident yesterday. I wrote back at length, telling her everything in detail. Two hours later, she calls me on the phone, asking how I am. She was simply too lazy to check her mail and expected me to tell her everything a second time. FML

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