Intimacy Alarmed - FML

Alarmed

oops - 29/07/2015 06:15 - United States

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Sneaky

TasedAndDazed - - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

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Not a morning person

Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

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Anonymous - 31/08/2013 20:52 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

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avocadotoe - 14/11/2016 06:52 - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

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fmlfmlfml - 10/07/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

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Secretive

whattheHellman - 23/10/2022 09:00 - Australia - Traralgon

Today, my boyfriend starting going off on me, calling me a psycho, all because I opened our bedroom door while he was in there. FML

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breeeeeh - 21/06/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

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whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

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Mortified

killmenow - 21/02/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs, and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barged in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

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Baseless assumptions

afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

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illusionay 10

Wednesday 29 July 2015 15:51

At least he cares about you

Wolfipoo 31

Wednesday 29 July 2015 15:52

Sucks to be you OP, but seriously, be more careful and check next time.

nina0917 26

Thursday 30 July 2015 4:55

you can at least have respect for there home go somewhere else next time ydi

vikky538 28

Thursday 30 July 2015 4:57

He cares about you. And you have look twice to make sure no body is at home when wanna be frisky.

beeneatenalive 12

Thursday 30 July 2015 5:26

Good brother

Lexipants 21

Thursday 30 July 2015 5:30

Awww. That's actually pretty cute. He loves you!

lesliehalverson 5

Thursday 30 July 2015 5:42

Aw poor kid. I feel so bad for autistic kids, he's so innocent!

fyvaprold 11

Thursday 30 July 2015 6:17

Is his nickname "Rain Man"?

Hildy93 21

Thursday 30 July 2015 6:47

Don't ever assume. ALWAYS make sure you're alone first.

TheBossBryson 11

Thursday 30 July 2015 7:09

Honestly, autism sucks too soooo that's the biggest FML of this story

Naoto_Shirogane 17

Thursday 30 July 2015 8:57

Autism itself does not have to suck. For many, it is actually the comorbid conditions that suck.

BasedgodFYB 8

Thursday 30 July 2015 9:04

Half way means you finished after that

SoulLace 9

Thursday 30 July 2015 19:50

Hey that sucks and you shoudve checked. But atleast you know someone cares for you an awful lot.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

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Today, at the age of 36, I had to write up my will. FML

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Today, I was trying to flirt with someone in a small bar. I thought they'd smiled at me, so I smiled back. Turns out, they were smiling at their phone screen. I just awkwardly sat there, smiling into the void. FML

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Today, I went to a work event and was having my picture taken with a coworker. Since we had done karaoke together, someone said we should pose like we were singing. I held my hand up like I was holding a mic and opened my mouth. It looked like I was performing a sex act. My boss glared at me. FML

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Today, I was called fatphobic for rejecting an overweight man who asked me on a date. I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to fat people. There’s just nothing there. FML

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Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML

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