Your everyday life stories

cdunn25 - 05/04/2016 03:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while running off little sleep, I fell asleep taking a test. I woke up only when I realized Dwight and Jim from the Office were arguing over the right answer in my dream. Jim was wrong. FML

baby510 - 05/04/2016 03:20 - United States

Today my wife of two years told me she doesn't love me anymore. And also that she slept with 10 different people 3 days after our wedding. She continued to tell me that she thinks shes in love with her best friend but had to make sure by sleeping with him as well yesterday. Im a lesbian. Fml.

fkygirl - 05/04/2016 03:10

Today, I was eating a flan and felt something of weird consistency in my mouth. I chewed a dead fly and maybe its larvae. FML

PegleggedWalrus - 05/04/2016 03:07 - United States - Irvine

Today, I have a crush on my best friend, because I'm into slightly older white guys. The only problem is, so is he. FML

Iiiecriiimcone - 05/04/2016 03:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lended a buddy some tattooing equipment to use while out of town. He got in a fight while away and left the equipment by accident. He refused to get them back or pay me the $1200 im out. FML.

MashaV - 05/04/2016 02:56 - United States - Edison

Today, after a terrible day at college, I was walking back in the rain after a 4.5 hour long organic chemistry lab, feeling like a failure, when I got a text from my friend. It cheered me up somewhat - until a bird shat on my phone. FML.

jamierson - 05/04/2016 02:54 - United States - East Troy

Today, I got in a car accident on April first. Almost none of my friends believed me. FML.

Genius_Kitty - 05/04/2016 02:52 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a brand new experience! Too bad the experience was the explosion of "extra minty" toothpaste directly into my eyeball. FML

Killme - 05/04/2016 02:51 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got a girl pregnant. I'm 14. FML.

ohhellno - 05/04/2016 02:49 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, (last night) I felt a prickling or crawling sensation on my skin. I jumped out of bed in horror, searching for what had caused it. A huge cockroach was on my bed crawling around. FML

dundundundundun - 05/04/2016 02:42 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work I learned that having an eye for detail is very useful when you have to write a statement for sexual harassment, FML.

linderisweird - 05/04/2016 02:41 - United States - Shidler

Today, my dog decided to come up with a new way of letting him outside at 4 am. He jumped on my bed then sat on my head (that rhymed). He is an English Bull Mastiff that weighs 206 lbs. FML

brokenhearted - 05/04/2016 02:35 - United States - Detroit

Today, my boyfriend and I had a serious talk. He admitted to being sexually attracted to women and that he thinks of me as a big sister. FML

nolove - 05/04/2016 02:32 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I realized that my boyfriend doesn't think he needs to get me ready for sex like I do for him because of the fact that we use a good amount of lube every time, FML.

Single&Naive - 05/04/2016 02:24 - United States - Miami

Yesterday, I met up with an ex-boyfriend to catch up & things went really well so I ended up staying over at his place. I was on cloud 9 today until a women called me to find out who her husband had been calling. FML

HRTreatman - 05/04/2016 02:23 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my parents forgot to pick me up from school. It's my birthday. FML

Anonymous - 05/04/2016 02:07 - United States - Saint George

Today, my period came 18 days late while I was at work & it bled through my khakis, I had 3 hours left in my shift. I changed into some black soccer shorts I had in my locker. All my managers were having a meeting saw & asked why I was wearing shorts. They wouldn't let me leave until I told them FML

Anonymous - 05/04/2016 02:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend set me up on a blind date with a man who was in an electrical fire, and suffered horrible burns to most of his body, including his hands and face. I have a horrible, irrational fear of people with burn scars and go out of my way to avoid them so I don't seem rude. She knows. FML.

sexcouch - 05/04/2016 02:00 - United States - Rantoul

Today, while laying on the couch in my den I was told by my sister that her and her boyfriend had sex on it while everyone was at home. FML

kjkoop - 05/04/2016 01:59 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, they were testing the fire alarms at work. Every 5 minutes, the alarm would ring. I already have high anxiety and am averse to loud noises. I was nearly in tears within the first hour. FML

fainter - 05/04/2016 01:56 - United States

Today, I had a job interview that could change my life for the better. They ended up having to call the paramedics for me because I almost passed out.

PanicWithSirens - 05/04/2016 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend broke up with me three months ago, was not because he came out as gay, but because he was cheating on me with my best friend. FML

loveless - 05/04/2016 01:49 - United States - Olean

Today, it officially marks the one year anniversary since my boyfriend so much as kissed me. FML

devonp17 - 05/04/2016 01:32 - United States - Haverford

Today, after seeing a dermatologist for almost a year, the earth virus on my hands had finally gone away, only to be relocated to my feet. Fml.

H_STAY - 05/04/2016 01:32 - United States - Merced

Today, my boyfriend texted me 'Babe, I love you and i will never stop Debby!' That would be great and all, if my name was Debby and my bestfriends wasn't.... -_- FML.

Anonymous - 05/04/2016 01:29 - United States

Today, on his first day off house arrest in a year, my boyfriend stood me up on our date. FML.

Tinzel t - 05/04/2016 01:25 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my 2 year old jumped on me laying on the couch landing on my balls. My wife laughed saying "You weren't going to need them anytime soon anyways". FML

japanesebeetle - 05/04/2016 00:51 - United States - New Britain

Today, I bought a moisturizer prescribed from my dermatologist for about $180. After washing my face, I saw a little black beetle around the rim of the cap. I recoiled, and it spilled down the drain. I guess $180 really did go down the drain. FML

dosfan95 - 05/04/2016 00:29 - United States - Leander

Today, my social anxiety was so bad I rewarded myself with a cookie for answering the phone. FML

Anonymous b - 05/04/2016 00:08

Today, I had a threesome with my boyfriend and another girl to see what it was like. I'm bi, and my boyfriend broke up with me because "I eat pussy too well to be into guys". FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, after days of hearing our new neighbour abusing his wife, my wife went round to confront him while on the phone with the police. Turns out they are just really into their BDSM and had no idea how loud they were being. They have costumes, toys and everything. FML

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Today, I practiced my wedding vows in front of the mirror we have in the hallway. When I was done, I heard clapping from my living room. Turns out my fiancé’s parents had come over early for dinner and had heard everything. FML

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Today, I spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas. After a break, I came back to find someone had re-positioned the wooden reindeer to make it look like they were humping. FML

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Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of a sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House MD was on. He'd stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

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Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML

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