Parenting

Punished

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 461

You deserved it 23 083

As a matter of fact…

By Hangryko - 11/05/2021 08:01 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother told me to my face that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't have had kids. Thanks, Mum. It's not like I asked to be born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 146

He studied the blade

By Anonymous - 28/06/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my 9 year-old managed to break the padlock on my display cabinet, take out my entire sword collection, run to the garden making lightsaber noises, and bash them on trees and a stone wall. They are ruined. One of them has a crack that has damn near snapped it in two. I want to weep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 412

Consequences

By you’re one to talk! - 26/06/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I reluctantly went to a family get together. My nosy aunt decided to try to lecture me on why I should spank my kids. That’s great coming from a woman who was a teen mom, had kids with 3 different guys, and now has grown kids that hate her guts. Yeah I truly need lessons on how to be a mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 116

Concerned parent

By trying - 24/09/2023 22:30 - United States

Today, I tried to nicely talk to my daughter about her rapid weight gain. Having a family history of weight-related illness, I felt it was necessary. I offered to get thyroid tests, teach her to buy healthy food, and start routine exercise. She told everyone I called her a cow and had fat-shamed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 213

Nobody likes a shitter quitter

By Anonymous - 08/09/2025 02:00 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I got a stomach bug. Then my three kids joined in like it was a team sport. My husband decided his actual soccer game was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 95

I'll get right on it, chief

By F U mil - 12/08/2020 23:05

Today, my mother-in-law called me selfish, lazy and a bad mother for giving my kids chores, like picking up toys and shoes. When we got married, my husband didn’t even know how to load a dishwasher or run a load of laundry. According to her, a "real mother" waits on her family hand and foot. Yeah, OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 192

You deserved it 260

His house, his asshole

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 14:01

Today, my dad is an asshole. My brother gets to bring home and shag as many girls as he wants, yet when I told my dad I was inviting my study group to our house, 3 girls and 1 boy I’m not romantically interested in, he removed my bedroom door, just in case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 130

Parent-sanctioned violence

By Momma - 26/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 1 129

Overbearing parents are the worst

By SoDead - 05/12/2020 04:01 - United States - Center Point

Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 1 813

Our little bundles of joy

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 23:00

Today, my partner and I were both horny at the same time. I entertained our 3 kids while he jerked off, then he entertained them while I went and masturbated. We live together and this is the first time we’ve been horny at the same time since Christmas, because we’re both so exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 436

Alexa, play "I'm Only Sleeping" by The Beatles

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 06:00

Today, I got home and found my husband passed out, lying in the playpen with our 6 month-old climbing all over him. I don’t know how long he’d been asleep, but her nappy was overflowing and she hadn’t been fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 166

Constant surveillance

By mister fixit? more like mister fuxit - 25/11/2024 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 272

Slight overreaction

By GiGib - 08/11/2023 06:00

Today, during my sister’s baby shower, my 3 year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. My sister got upset because this apparently attracted a lot of attention from the other guests, and called my daughter an “attention whore” for “choosing today of all days to make a damn scene.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 139

Sex ed

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 05:01

Today, despite warning her multiple times, my daughter has gone and got herself pregnant by an idiot who has never held a job for more than 3 months, and once confidently told me the moon landing was a conspiracy. And yes, he scarpered the second he found out she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 223

A rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 10/11/2021 19:59

Today, despite being on the pill and always using condoms, I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend I want to keep it, hoping he wanted to keep it too. He told me he hopes I enjoy being a single parent, because he absolutely does not want it, but knows I’ll never get an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 635

Little shit

By emmalou - 29/08/2022 06:00

Today, my son tried extort me into turning the WiFi back on by hiding my purse. He was mad because he'd lost access for being disrespectful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 245

Great joke Dad, thanks

By Anonymous - 05/07/2014 17:53 - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 933

You deserved it 7 921

Busted

By Carei - 26/03/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my parents told me that because they found dildos, a rose toy, and condoms in my bedroom, I’m not getting a car for graduation anymore. Also, I have 30 days from my 18th birthday to “find an apartment or something” and “get the hell out” since I’m "such a grown up now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 272

Priorities

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 13:01 - United States - Floral Park

Today, my mother flipped out that I spent $20 on a gift for myself for my birthday. Instead of getting a gift for me, she spent $300 on a new vacuum cleaner, and claims that we didn't have enough left in our budget to spend on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 134

Parenting styles may differ…

By Anonymous - 21/03/2022 16:01 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, it was my first day at my new high school. I put on a tiny bit of makeup, just some mascara, to feel more confident. I got in the car and my mom started yelling about how horrible my makeup is, basically calls me a slut for wearing it, and makes me take it off. I ended up crying in the bathroom on my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 164

Distant

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 00:01

Today, when my husband told me years ago he wanted to parent just like his dad used to, I had no idea that meant helping with practical stuff like cooking and nappy changing, but otherwise ignoring our kid's emotional well-being and telling them to buzz off when they try to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 176

Prepper

By suze44 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 267

You deserved it 5 371

Rough deal

By Anonymous - 15/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I constantly hear single moms being bashed trashed and judged no matter their situation. I just got dumped again for being one. No one seems to know or care that I’m a single mom, because my daughter’s conception wasn’t what you’d call consensual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 101

Pizza? In this economy?

By I do cook just FYI - 05/06/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, yet again, we have a fridge full of food, but my wife asked if we can order pizza in front of the kids, who all started jumping in excitement yelling, "PIZZA!" Now I can either say no and deal with pouting and tantrums, or waste money on crappy pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 143

Gone girl

By OwndPattie - 20/11/2022 02:00

Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 3 180

Can't win

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 02:00 - Australia

Today, I got yelled at for staying in my room too long; got yelled at for going out of my room; got yelled at for staying at a friend's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 110

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 00:00

Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 993

Encouragement

By peallow - 12/05/2013 05:01 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 155

You deserved it 20 339

Values

By mira - 13/03/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom I was leaving early to give my boyfriend a ride to work. She asked me why on Earth I’m even attracted to someone who doesn’t have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 416

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 794

You deserved it 4 429

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 565

You deserved it 8 493

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 411

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 323

You deserved it 3 283

Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 987

You deserved it 4 017

Today, I'd set aside a weekend to play Dungeons & Dragons. One of our players suddenly had trouble with his wife and brought his toddler over. The kid would not stop crying, getting into places he shouldn't be, and loudly shitting his diaper every 15 minutes. I had to eject the player from the game. This is why I don't want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 205