Miscellaneous

Friends?

By iAmJasper - 17/09/2014 21:56 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 432

You deserved it 8 888

By 99jellybean - 26/01/2016 03:02 - United States - Rochester

Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 285

You deserved it 1 440

By NotInTheRightPlace - 17/03/2014 18:18 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 086

You deserved it 6 541

By Mortified - 24/02/2017 20:00 - United States

Today, I attended my girlfriend's mother's wake. When I walked up the three-step platform the casket was on, I tripped, fell over the edge of the casket, and head-butted her mother's corpse. The adhesive holding one of her eyes came undone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 552

You deserved it 950

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 17:12 - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 955

You deserved it 7 972

By epicc1584 - 30/07/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 176

You deserved it 4 458

Fake it til you make it

By aurelj1 - 03/08/2016 19:59 - United States - Colleyville

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and I'm single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 190

You deserved it 1 044

AI is going to destroy us all

By AI hates me - 28/05/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was messing with an AI art generator. As luck would have it, it generated a nasty NSFW image just as my mom happened to walk by, despite my prompt being 100% innocent. It was also just after I got a nice, wholesome result, so I was smiling at the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 481

Typecasting

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 982

You deserved it 5 108

By Keastwood013 - 18/01/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 807

You deserved it 4 171

Bad hair day

By grow_fasterrr - - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 905

You deserved it 5 568

By Gayeveryday - 15/04/2012 04:12 - Canada - Truro

Today, I came out to my parents. They still think I'm joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 519

You deserved it 5 950

Oh no…

By Nervous - 02/10/2025 22:00

Today, a woman told me she liked my shoes. My social anxiety peaked so I panicked and said, “You too!” She wasn’t wearing shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 145

By needanewphone - 22/01/2012 22:03 - United States

Today, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I placed my phone on the counter next to the toilet. While I was washing my hair, someone called me. My phone was on vibrate, so I didn't hear it until it vibrated off the counter and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 934

You deserved it 32 362

By Ilovelife07 - 19/09/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 735

You deserved it 9 598

Nice day for a walk

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, I waved at a baby in a stroller whilst walking past a pub's beer garden. The baby didn't wave back. Instead, the 'mum' turned around and said, 'Why are you waving at my bag?' I then realised that it wasn't a baby stroller, just a big purse with a blanket over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 400

By Anonymous - 03/02/2012 08:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 035

You deserved it 7 220

By CantPublish - 04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 946

You deserved it 24 661

Who? Where? Why? What?

By up to no-good... - 22/08/2014 04:09 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 531

You deserved it 3 227

By ilikeirishducks - 19/06/2009 13:51 - Italy

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 819

You deserved it 21 110

New look

By ouchbrow - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 238

You deserved it 14 932

By Dingbat - 13/06/2013 23:59 - United States - Quarryville

Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not playing for about 5 years. My very first time at the bat I whacked a foul ball into the parking lot and hit my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 289

You deserved it 6 697

By Lokiara - 26/12/2014 06:18 - United States

Today, I told my father I'm going to a club with a friend and staying the night at my friend's place. He asked for my friend's name, number, and address so he knows where I'll be. I'm 30 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 530

You deserved it 6 564

Lokiara tells us more.

Lokiara 10

Friday 26 December 2014 20:47

I'm OP. No, I do not live at home. I haven't lived at home in 5 years. I currently live in a different country and I am in my home country for the holidays. I preemptively tell my parents where I go because they tend to ask that question when I leave the house. It might be the fact that I am female, but I don't really know for certain.

By stepsister - 10/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, I met my soon-to-be step mother. My dad was right, we had a lot in common. Including our birth year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 517

You deserved it 4 082

By Rachel Todd - 06/04/2017 14:29

Today, I worked for 9 hours, walking up and down stairs and surviving. I get off work, come home, pour a glass of wine, and manage to fall down a small staircase in my house, spilling the wine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 992

You deserved it 751

Rachel Todd tells us more.

Rachel Todd 9

Thursday 6 April 2017 11:22

Hey everyone! Let me explain a little bit more of what happened up to the fall. I work in Hollywood, and for a show I was working on, they wanted people running up and down stairs because something happened (can't go into detail due to privacy for the show). Working in Hollywood can create crazy long hours, 9 hours being a "short day". So it being a night shoot, and pretending to run for my life, and being freezing cold, I wanted a glass of wine at 4am when I got home. As my mom said "you really need to start getting injured on the clock.. " haha

Oh, hi there!

By Lexxxiii - 01/12/2022 12:00

Today, I forgot the maintenance man was coming today for my sink. I was cooking and blasting ”Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?” by Rod Stewart at full volume while singing and dancing. He was laughing when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 284

By Anonymous - 04/03/2012 22:20 - Canada

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 452

You deserved it 4 365

By pantyripper - 24/03/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 324

You deserved it 21 698

By terrified - 18/01/2012 19:02 - United States

Today, out of habit, I said "See you later" to a creepy old male customer who stared at my chest the whole time I was serving him. His response was to wink and say, "Oh, you will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 857

You deserved it 5 206

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I set up an office laptop remotely from home. My own laptop screen sat next to that laptop screen. I wanted to wank so opened some porn on my own screen. Then my boss called and said, "There's smut playing on this laptop." Wrong screen, and my work PC was in console mode, so people had gathered to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 1 084

Today, I tried the 'drop the towel' challenge in front of my wife so I could record her reaction for TikTok, and maybe get some weekend booty. She barely even reacted, gave me the 'go away I’m busy' arm wave, and when I didn’t leave fast enough, she actually whipped my knob with her charging cable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 2 005

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 733

You deserved it 5 764

Today, I attempted to fix a leaky tap in my bathroom. Instead, I somehow managed to trigger a water feature reminiscent of one of those Disney park rides, turning my bathroom into a splash zone for my two dogs while I frantically tried to shut it all off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 254

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to brake, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 438

You deserved it 4 710

Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 632

You deserved it 52 385