ACAB

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 24/06/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned my mom doesn’t have many pictures from my childhood, but she does have a cabinet of police reports, hospital records, letters from teachers and neighbours, letters of lifetime bans from places, bills for damages, court records, and all from before I was 10. Man, I was a bad kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 552

This is fine

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 23:09 - United States

Today, I was given a DUI while in the Whataburger drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 875

You deserved it 46 324

Compliance

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 342

You deserved it 12 849

A shooting waiting to happen

By Never Been Arrested - 01/03/2016 21:44 - United States - State College

Today, I was once again mistaken for an escaped convict. I live near a women's correctional facility and apparently my nursing scrubs look a lot like their prisoners' uniforms. The cop made me late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 383

You deserved it 1 297

By Anonymous - 25/04/2019 16:00

Today, I got pulled over and ticketed while taking cookies to the local police station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 811

Hog on hog action

By auscop - 17/09/2009 10:57 - Australia

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 682

You deserved it 86 055

Caught in 4K

By RBergman - 25/04/2015 20:05 - United States - Basin

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 906

You deserved it 3 372

Drunk tank

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 09:17 - New Zealand

Today, my husband and his best mate got drunk and decided it would be a good idea to try hitchhike naked for a joke. Although no one was willing to pick up two naked 28 year old-men off the side of the main road, someone did call the cops. They are being held overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 194

You deserved it 1 857

Wrong end of the stick

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while I was jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The thief got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 671

You deserved it 3 457

Vibe check

By buttfingers - 26/12/2015 17:37 - United States - Houston

Today, I accidentally edged over the speed limit and got pulled over. The officer asked me if I knew why he'd pulled me over. Before I could say something diplomatic, my dad said from the passenger seat, "Because you're a prick in fancy dress?" I got ticketed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 168

You deserved it 2 245

One law for thee…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Springfield

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 993

You deserved it 6 842

Traditional

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 02:01

Today, while I was at work, my dumbass husband gave his dead rabbit a Viking funeral by sending it down the river behind our house in a crate he set on fire. It got stuck on a tree, which caught on fire, along with the field and the warehouse next to the field. The police think he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 179

How very dare you?

By GotGasNotLuck - 05/05/2015 10:50 - Australia - Girraween

Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 457

You deserved it 2 254

By randinosaur - 13/03/2011 12:48 - United States

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 195

You deserved it 4 262

Didn't see ya there

By mbrooke - 23/03/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, a couple of friends and I were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car that had stopped to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 189

You deserved it 102 589

Cops can't catch criminals

By frustrated - 17/05/2014 10:11 - United States - Forest Park

Today, I called the cops on a couple who was fighting outside my window at 4 a.m. They hid in the bushes when the cops came, came back out when they left, and started fighting again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 394

You deserved it 4 808

Underage boozing

By drunk under 18 teenager - 19/08/2014 13:37 - Morocco - Marrakech

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was, if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 097

You deserved it 50 327

USA! USA! USA!

By Not like that - 19/06/2025 21:00 - United States - New York

Today, I called the cops on the house next to me, since they constantly make tons of noise and throw trash in my yard. Turns out they're all undocumented migrants, and now three families with little kids are getting deported. I feel like scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 322

Innocence project

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 00:01

Today, my son-in-law slapped my daughter, so I put him in an armhold and threw him outside. My daughter refused to press charges so he got away, but then he pressed charges against me for hitting his head against the wall when I threw him, so I got arrested instead. Justice is a shitting joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 209

Rough night, huh?

By Anonymous - 12/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was drunk and broke my leg. I called 911, only for the cops to turn up and make me try to walk, with them saying that I was faking my injury. They arrested me for being drunk in public and hours later I finally got to an ER. I had to have surgery on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 190

You're nicked

By kb10 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 448

You deserved it 75 967

Book him, Danno

By Joey - 11/07/2021 11:01 - United States

Today, I was driving to a gas station because I'd noticed I was almost on empty. Literally a block away from the gas station, my car broke down in the middle of an intersection, and I had to push my car to the side of the road, only to be questioned by police for "suspicious behavior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 209

One law for thee…

By Ryan - 14/07/2022 14:00

Today, I found out the off-duty cop who beat my face in front of a dozen witnesses was wasn’t even charged with assault. I have court in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 187

Thanks!

By rachel - 19/02/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should, "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 811

You deserved it 8 620

By duckthehack - 28/01/2011 14:25 - Poland

Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 003

You deserved it 8 906

Busted

By DuckMan - 07/10/2017 23:15

Today, I was at a party when the cops showed up. They asked whether anyone had a gun, but I heard "fun" instead and raised my hand. I got searched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 2 705

Suspicious activities

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 898

You deserved it 8 586

Suspicious activity

By AC712 - 08/09/2021 05:01 - United States - Butler

Today, my BFF and I put our kids on the bus, and went shopping and have lunch. We were both eating a gross amount of Taco Bell sitting in the middle of the parking lot. The cops pulled up. Someone had called them, saying we were doing drugs because of the way we were sitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 226

Paul Fart Malt Clop

By Cornbreesha - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my "Free hugs" sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 417

You deserved it 17 735

Innocent

By Boyufd - 19/01/2019 12:00

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even closely fit the description of the suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 634

You deserved it 143

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Messy Animals Dogs Cute Love Miscellaneous ACAB Cops Intimacy Thief NSFW Sex Fight #FAFO Kids Parents Sexism Swimming pool Disney Money Abuse Health Gross Poopoo peepee Farts Cheating Shopping Weird Holidays Vacation

The Top

Today, I’m realising that at some point I should have just settled for the guys who were there, instead of waiting for the fantasy perfect guy. All my exes are happily married with grown kids, whereas I’m in my 50’s, never married, no kids or grandkids, and will probably die alone with my cat eating my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 1 209

Today, not to be "that guy" but my wife quit her job from fear of COVID, we have no kids, so am I really unreasonable to expect that she might do SOME of the housework instead of none of it, and then asking me if I would mind doing the dishes and laundry as soon as I get home? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 124

Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 586

You deserved it 48 765

Today, I went to school without knowing that all my math books had been peed on by my cousin's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 610

You deserved it 225

Today, I sent a text to the girl I've been getting to know online, text which was meant for my best friend. It was a screenshot of my her Instagram page with the caption, "I can't believe I'm actually going to talk to her today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 964

Today, I phoned one of the IT guys upstairs for help with my PC. He said it would only take a few minutes; and would just fix it through a direct connection from his computer to mine. Hours later, I was feeling horny, and quickly checked out an adult website. Mr IT Guy was still connected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 207

You deserved it 69 256