Mafia2141

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Mafia2141's favorite FMLs

Congratu…

By Anonymous - 10/06/2015 16:13 - United States - Inez

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

agreeclassic 40 998

vote type 1 8 744

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By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 07:06 - United States - Corning

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

agreeclassic 36 422

vote type 1 4 387

By Anonymous - 24/03/2015 20:52 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

agreeclassic 30 190

vote type 1 3 057

By offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

agreeclassic 267 597

vote type 1 90 937

By Anonymous - 25/03/2015 19:00 - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

agreeclassic 33 880

vote type 1 4 962