Today...I lost my car keys. Then while looking for them, I lost... - FML

"Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey" - 23/09/2017 04:31

Today...I lost my car keys. Then while looking for them, I lost the flashlight I was using...FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Akitakat 31

Wednesday 27 September 2017 13:54

Not very bright, are you?

ThrottleJockey 35

Tuesday 26 September 2017 20:30

Just stop right where you're at and lay down before you lose your mind.

ThrottleJockey 35

Tuesday 26 September 2017 20:30

Just stop right where you're at and lay down before you lose your mind.

Akitakat 31

Wednesday 27 September 2017 13:54

Not very bright, are you?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

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Today, I discovered a cold sore in my ear, which I need to treat with a cream. Because of health issues, I already have six different creams and lotions to apply to various parts of my body, including buttcrack and hair. FML

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Today, at my wedding, my golden child brother gave a speech that was a load of lying shite. He was telling tales of arrests, drug use, sexual antics, the lot. My wife knows it’s not true but her family think I’m scum, and my mother just told me she’s “not angry, just disappointed in me.” FML

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Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

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Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

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Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

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