Intimacy

Normal, right?

By jj. - 15/01/2022 11:01

Spicy

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 21:34 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Spicy

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 516

You deserved it 4 679

Considerate boyfriend

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 07:17 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 888

You deserved it 15 869

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 680

Safe sex

By avoiding preggers - 17/12/2024 14:00 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I saw my roommate walk out of his room into the kitchen with a used condom in his hand, and plop it into the garbage disposal. "I don't really trust this girl" is all he said before he opened his door and walked back into his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 152

By diesel444 - 23/08/2010 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 876

You deserved it 23 206

Take it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 00:01

Spicy

Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 1 721

Needy

By Arnold - 21/10/2025 09:00

Spicy

Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 221

Still the same

By John Doe - 10/01/2020 05:00

Today, my mom showed to my girlfriend my naked baby photos. My girlfriend said, "Nothing’s changed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 737

You deserved it 375

Ouch

By Anonymous - 01/04/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, I went in for an STD test. The Q-tip broke off in my urethra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 583

You deserved it 442

Grooming

By kdehshaden - 30/04/2012 08:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 663

You deserved it 56 919

Testing the waters

By Anonymousss95 - 10/12/2011 12:03 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 767

You deserved it 13 410

Went a bit too far, Sigmund

By notatherapist - 01/10/2014 23:08 - Netherlands - Huizen

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 583

You deserved it 6 344

Creeped out

By HadToApologize - 03/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 399

You deserved it 23 128

By Anon. - 05/05/2016 21:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 725

You deserved it 2 381

By Anonymous - 06/10/2012 23:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 105

You deserved it 2 854

Awkward

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 923

Eeeeeeeeeeek!

By KTK - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brother's girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 996

You deserved it 3 540

Tough road ahead

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 326

You deserved it 2 589

By Backstabber<3 - 06/03/2018 19:00

Spicy

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I loved him, he revealed that he cheated on me, that his side chick is pregnant, and that he has the clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 294

You deserved it 496

By Walk of Shame - 13/11/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 6 109

Big baby

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, my husband said sex is too weird because I'm pregnant with our first baby. He gets very grumpy without sex. I'm very horny with hormones. Only 6 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 239

By FreakinthePink - 06/12/2010 07:20

Spicy

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 300

You deserved it 3 062

What?

By Richard - 07/08/2018 18:30

Today, my friends and I were kicked out of a Red Robin after the manager told us that our server accused us of making "sexually suggestive gestures" towards her. The gesture in question was the circle game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 1 512

By AlphonseMuchacha - 19/06/2016 01:16 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high school. As I type, can hear them having sex through our paper thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 241

You deserved it 2 031

AlphonseMuchacha tells us more.

AlphonseMuchacha 1

Monday 20 June 2016 6:36

Hey all OP here. Thanks for all the kind words. For those wondering, I gave my flatmate my blessing. The guy and I dated for a little while but it didn't work out, for him at least. I still harbour feelings for him but want them both to happy. Still sucks though.

By liveforpeace_ - 28/04/2009 06:27 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235 605

You deserved it 13 630

By (not) fucked - 16/05/2014 16:01 - United States - Kingsville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 807

You deserved it 8 276

By Carly4244 - 30/08/2017 01:30

Today, I was the Maid of Honor at my friend's wedding. Months earlier, we had a bitter fight, but she picked out a beautiful dress for me and I thought we were past it. When I began speaking, the lights changed to a weird brightness and my friend snickered. My dress was completely see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 416

You deserved it 542

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 17:35 - United States - Honolulu

Spicy

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 875

You deserved it 3 144

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 469

You deserved it 1 137

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Love Food Vegan Work Mysterious Break-ups Cats Animals Public freakouts Music Scary Transportation Trains Weird Cars Awkward Frustration Sex Intimacy Miscellaneous Gross Birthday Family I need your advice Mental health Coworkers Social Media My ex Kids

The Top

The Top

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 864

You deserved it 4 554

Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 284

You deserved it 2 992

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 845

You deserved it 4 838

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 764

You deserved it 4 122

Today, after being diagnosed with breast cancer, enduring months of tortuous chemo, having painful radiation treatments and having had my tubes tied, I realized I’ve become the butt of an incredibly cruel cosmic joke. I got pregnant from the one-night stand I had to celebrate beating cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 265

You deserved it 647

Today, I found out I've been adulting too long when I noticed that the bags at Smart & Final are shorter than the last time I was here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 168