All the FMLs

Always check before

By Anonymous - 19/05/2017 14:00

Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 714

You deserved it 956

By disappointment son - 19/05/2017 12:00

Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 512

You deserved it 251

Monty Python crossover episode

By Monty Python's Flying Circus - 19/05/2017 04:00

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 256

You deserved it 1 091

Driving me mad

By Anonymous - 18/05/2017 22:00

Today, unbeknownst to me, my wife cancelled our airplane tickets because she didn't want to face her fear of flying like we had agreed. Now, we're going to have to take another week off so I can drive 3000 miles cross country, while she sleeps in the shotgun seat because her licence expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 573

You deserved it 587

By Anonymous - 18/05/2017 20:00

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 770

You deserved it 736

By job hunter - 18/05/2017 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 578

You deserved it 339

Life imitates art

By Filingfordivorce - 18/05/2017 16:00

Today, it seems my husband didn't realize that "Office Space" is just a movie and began to act like the characters in a pathetic attempt to, "stand up to the establishment!" Perhaps he also didn't realize that attempted arson is considered a federal crime. The bail is $20,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 303

You deserved it 446

By Spencer Chan - 18/05/2017 14:00

Today, I ended a 15-year relationship. Don't worry, it wasn't mine. It was my parents'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 468

You deserved it 592

By missinformed - 18/05/2017 12:00

Today, Geico called to tell me they were canceling my insurance. Someone I don't know got pulled over for drunk-driving and the police wrote down my license plate number instead by accident. Although the DMV says they cleared everything up, Geico still won't believe it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 752

You deserved it 291

By GOLLUM! - 18/05/2017 00:00

Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 694

You deserved it 2 019

By Wtf - 17/05/2017 22:00

Today, my estranged, psycho ex called me ten times and left belligerent messages because I didn't send him anything for his birthday yesterday like I used to. This is the same man who never gave me a birthday gift, text, or even a Happy Birthday wish during our 7 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 735

You deserved it 419

Good enough reason

By Anonymous - 17/05/2017 20:00

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 140

You deserved it 489

By holywowz - 17/05/2017 18:00

Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 193

You deserved it 374

It wasn't me, or him

By ev_lyn_aw - 17/05/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 906

You deserved it 292

Tone police

By Firstborn - 16/05/2017 19:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 296

You deserved it 279

Rumour has it

By ShanghaiSam - 17/05/2017 04:00 - China - Shanghai

Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 234

You deserved it 393

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 20:00

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 462

You deserved it 833

By really? - 16/05/2017 12:00 - United States - Concord

Today, my son told me that some kids had been picking on him at school. When I asked him to elaborate, he said that kids sometimes didn't say "Hi" back when he greeted them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 882

You deserved it 599

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 16:00

Today, I've been yawning every few minutes. Which would be fine, except every couple of yawns my jaw dislocates, and I have to put it back in place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 211

You deserved it 350

By bitch - 16/05/2017 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. To celebrate being newly single, I wanted to watch some shows on Netflix. My now ex-boyfriend had already changed the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 307

You deserved it 10 723

By Disconnected - 16/05/2017 12:00

Today, I found out that it is possible for someone else to cancel my Internet, TV and phone services in two days. However it'll take me 5 days, after 6 hours on the phone, to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 443

You deserved it 272

One more reason to quit

By SowhatshouldIdo - 16/05/2017 05:00 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I handed in my resignation letter after over three and a half years working at the company. My manager is angry with me, since we returned from an overseas business trip yesterday, and why didn't I inform her before the trip. She now wants me to pay all costs of trip before leaving the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 057

You deserved it 1 235

By fallen - 15/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 942

You deserved it 306

We meet again

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 20:00

Today, the person who bullied me throughout my childhood eventually resulting in me going to therapy and switching schools became my boss. On top of that, he refers to me by the insulting nickname he called me during childhood. It's good to see that growing up hasn't changed him at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 157

You deserved it 426

By Chase - 15/05/2017 18:00

Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 6 437

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 14:00

Today, my 5-year-old daughter had to find pictures of animals that she felt represented each member of her family. This was the one she chose for me. I think she might be trying to imply something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 416

You deserved it 638

By Kuromaus - 15/05/2017 12:34

Today, my period started two weeks early. I had the option of either making my connecting flight and bleeding through the entire two-hour trip, or buying tampons and missing it. Four hours until the next flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 196

You deserved it 929

Kuromaus tells us more.

Kuromaus 8

Saturday 13 May 2017 6:59

Hey, OP here. A few things I couldn't put due to word limits: the flight I was getting off was coming in late due to weather. I literally had one minute to get to the gate once off the plane. The connecting flight had started loading at the same time we landed. On top of that, the crew to dock us were having issues and delayed us in getting off. I wouldn't have even had time to stop at a bathroom on the way. The gate I needed to get to was upstairs. Since it was a delay out of my control, I did get moved to another flight for free, it just happened to be the latest one heading back to home. I could have probably made it to (or barely missed) last call if I hauled it but I was not going to do that while bleeding. I didn't know that airplanes had amenities like that in the bathroom. I've never actually been in one, and it was only my second time flying. (That toilet paper trick doesn't work for me, mine is too heavy, sadly.)

By axon Impulse - 15/05/2017 12:00

Today, a reliable source informed me that my suspicions that I would soon be fired were wrong. Instead, my boss plans to make my life miserable until I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 558

You deserved it 241

By izzy - 15/05/2017 04:00

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 309

You deserved it 467

By regrettably well rested - 14/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Clearfield

Today, I set 3 alarms so I wouldn't miss an early morning event I was volunteering at. After I slept through the first one, my roommate turned the other two off without waking me up because they were annoying. I missed the event. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 474

You deserved it 1 988

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my now ex-girlfriend accused me of wasting a year of her life when I told her I seriously don’t want kids. We’ve never discussed kids until today, but I’ve always known I never wanted them. Apparently she does want them, so she considers our whole relationship as a waste of a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 1 083

Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 681

You deserved it 389

Today, I have mono. This means I need to sleep a lot, under doctor's orders. My dad has decided it's okay to to play loud bluegrass music and leave the TV on old movies in which women scream hysterically at all hours, and gets pissed at me when I tell him to turn it down. I feel like an old man raising a manchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 90

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 883

You deserved it 3 859

Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 709

You deserved it 35 345

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 996

You deserved it 7 935