All the FMLs

Late term

By disappointed - 10/12/2020 20:02 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I had to pick my son up from jail. He was pulled over for having a busted tail light, gave the officer his licence, realized he gave the officer his fake ID and then the dumbass gave the cop his real one. Is it too late for a vasectomy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 497

Just because you can don't mean you should

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 20:06 - Nigeria

Today, I got stuck in my washing machine. When my sister saw me, she just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 855

Drunken antics

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 11:02 - Canada - Sherbrooke

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend full-on peeing into our tiny trash bin. The trash bin was basket material, so the pee was all over the floor. Once he'd finished, he went to bed, passed out and left me to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 148

Seize the means

By pygmyfrog - 10/12/2020 14:02

Today, I watched a supervisor in our workspace staple an underling's skirt to her shirt, as the supervisor didn't like her wearing a hip-level skirt, despite having no public contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 102

Are Christmas cards still a thing?

By amywee - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my dog received a Christmas card before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 562

You deserved it 3 594

Bad Moon Rising

By SleeplessinNJ - 10/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Raritan

Today, one of my fiancé's groomsmen is an alcoholic, and my fiance is in denial about it. He's a nice guy when sober, but belligerent, disrespectful and out of control when drinking. My fiancé refuses to acknowledge my anxiety at having him in our wedding with an open bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 110

Alexa, put on "Trust" by Low

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 08:01

Today, the first guy I have dated, and have had a serious relationship with after my divorce, is spending the night with his ex-girlfriend. And I'm supposed to be ok with it, “nothing's going to happen.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 113

Management

By Lt. Dan - 10/12/2020 05:01 - Germany - Castrop-rauxel

Today, I told my boss to choose between A and B, with A achieving his longterm goal, and B producing a quick win, but not leading to anywhere near A. He told me to come with a "hybrid" approach." FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 183

The patriarchy rules

By hyphen - 09/12/2020 18:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I was talking to a new friend when I told him my last name. It’s hyphenated. He then left and declared me to be a "stuck-up bitch" who thinks she’s "too good to take a man’s last name." This is the name I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 145

Good boy

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 23:02 - Germany

Today, I told my mom that the puppy she was cuddling had a piece of dried poo stuck to its butt. Her reaction was to pluck the poo with her bare hands, put it on the coffee table next to my food, and continue cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 135

Unrelatable

By Marea90h - 09/12/2020 20:01

Today, a client hung up on me after calling me "Miss Proper" because I spoke too "clearly" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 69

Grammar police alert

By Weekdae - 09/12/2020 09:01 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I found another comment online referencing, "Smoke weed everyday." With all due respect for smoking weed, when will people learn that "every" and "day" need to be two separate words in that context? This is seriously making it hard for me to focus on my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 615

Assumptions

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 09/12/2020 14:53

Today, my fiancé and I both got fired from a job we desperately needed. Why? A friend had practiced sticking him for a phlebotomy class, so he had bandaids on his arms. I was nervous and shaky, as it was my first day. Apparently, this means that we are both IV drug users. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 173

WhataStrangeTripThisIs tells us more.

WhataStrangeTripThisIs 23

Wednesday 9 December 2020 11:01

OP here. The job was at Subway, so they really don't care about firing and hiring people enough to follow up with a drug test. We both offered! I have a great PT job at a doctor's office, but really needed extra income because COVID hit us hard. I was really surprised that they just randomly fired both of us over an assumption! WTF. The manager is a recovered addict and said she knew the signs. Umm, no, apparently you don't. We don't even have the money to DO drugs lol! Now we have no power. But still have a roof. **** 2020.

Bodyshaming

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my coworker doesn't want to go to lunch with me anymore, after I lost a load of weight in lockdown and she's still "overweight." Apparently, I've "changed, and not the same person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 77

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 11:09

Today, I was supposed to close on a house. Unfortunately, our lender decided that they couldn't finance us and denied us a loan, after 3 months of us digging up paperwork, saving money, and packing. Now we have to scramble to find a new place, while our insane landlady screams at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 83

Uncomfortable

By Jules - 09/12/2020 08:02 - Germany - Norden

Today, while many women have a wardrobe full of nothing-to-wear, my mom has a fridge full of nothing-to-eat and a living room full of nowhere-to-sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 115

Work together!

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 05:01 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cats got in a serious fight about the rights to some prime mousing territory. The territory in question? Our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 134

I don't need to see this

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 06:32 - India - Kaul

Today, I found out that my best friend likes the same person as I do, but she doesn’t know that I'm in love with him, and she keeps sending me their flirty texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 341

Don't do favors for strangers

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 19:58

Today, after getting a friend of a friend a job, overnight she turned into Satan, making a job I once loved a hell on earth. I should really try to get to know people before I do them a favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 341

Christmas Racket

By Dave - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 057

You deserved it 4 658

Monster!

By lu… - 08/12/2020 08:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mother decided that I'm a complete sociopath and that I don’t care that my grandmother just died. Why? Because I haven’t lost my appetite. My grief response is to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 92

Chuds

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 13:58

Today, at my retail job, I was trying to get a large amount of cardboard to the trash and had a short path to maneuver through displays and customers. As I'm coming down the aisle, a customer sees me and stops to look at a coffee cup display, directly in my path. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 123

The World Won't Listen

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I went round to see a friend who recently had a heart attack and was finding it difficult to shop for herself. She complained about the food being "too healthy" and wanted bags of chips and frozen rubbish instead. Her being overweight directly caused her heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 126

Fandoms are weird

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 09:02 - Romania

Today, even three months after seeing 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', I can’t think about anything or anyone except Saavik anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 559

Is that even legal?

By Monkeys aren't pets - 07/12/2020 23:04 - United States - Millersville

Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 117

Fake it til you make it

By Carl - 08/12/2020 12:02 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was working from home alone while my wife was at her office. I decided that instead of having a healthy lunch at home, I would walk to the fast food place a block over. I didn't realise that my fitness tracker would automatically log this as "Exercise (walk)." My wife clicked "Like" underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 934

Blue Christmas

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I legally separated from my wife, after many months of her refusing to do any form of self-care. She doesn't wash, exercise, eat full meals other than fast food and she doesn't make any effort to be involved in me or who I am as a person. Christmas is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 184

My life is average

By Kohsukeff - 07/12/2020 08:02 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, as a single, 24-year old college graduate working temp jobs outside his field, the only thing I look forward to in my day is what I get to eat for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 132

You BARBARIAN!

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 10:57

Today, my flatmate was once again passive aggressive and angry at me, despite being sweet and pleasant to everyone else. My crime? Putting a baking tray in the dishwasher without scrubbing it first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 331

Proud boy

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 08:02

Today, I went on a Tinder date. He seemed pretty normal. Very handsome, and a complete gentleman. Turned out he's a white supremacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 200

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 132

Today, I got angry at my computer, and instead of bashing my keyboard with my fists, I bashed my face on the keyboard. It REALLY hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 2 951

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 372

You deserved it 5 122

Today, I learned that every podcast bro is a fucking liar and a vile hypocrite. Men seem to like me, but the minute I tell them I’m a virgin and saving myself for marriage, suddenly they’re gone faster than a spooked horse. What happened to the low/no body count, huh boys?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 493

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 165

You deserved it 3 193

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 601

You deserved it 3 394