All the FMLs

Productive

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 22:00 - Sweden

Today, in an effort to actually be productive for once, I decided to clean out my closet. However, I ended up getting distracted by old photos, started crying over past relationships and dead pets, and didn't end up getting anything done whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 420

Shifty

By Zkroger - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year denied in front of everyone that we ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 697

You deserved it 5 135

Man caver

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 18:00

Today, my wife screamed, cried, called me lazy and a bad parent, and threatened to leave and take our four kids. All I did was ask for an hour to myself every day for some private time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 1 274

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 15:00

Today, I told my boyfriend he has to stop paying half of his baby mama's rent or I would leave. He laughed and said I could leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 813

Hey there!

By Chanby - 04/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was walking down the street when I saw a friend I hadn't seen in years. I was so excited to catch up with her that I ran across the street without looking and almost got hit by a car. I ended up stumbling out of panic and landed on a pile of trash on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 1 063

Panopticon

By never marry a jealous man! - 04/05/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, I got sick of my in-laws always dropping by when my husband was out. Turns out he asked them to check I didn’t have anyone there. When I confronted him, he created a new “rule”. I can either have my mother-in-law stay full time or I can stay at their house until he gets off work. No, I’ve never cheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 149

You must be kidding

By offuckingcourse - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 337

You deserved it 20 650

Asshat

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose. As my boss is an asshat who hates allowing sick leave, I thought I could power through it, but halfway through my workday I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. I had to go home early and now I can't move without pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 152

Non confrontational

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 03:00

Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 2 068

Goddam red tape

By unqualified - 04/05/2023 00:00

Today, I found out that the degree I'd assumed I had for the last 10 years was invalid due to a clerical error. Surely it'd be an easy fix? Nope. Both the degree structure and the admin system have been entirely changed between now and then. I'd have to study for two more years to validate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 113

Wisdom

By unsuspcted - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my son told me to "grow a pair" and ask my girlfriend of a year and a half to marry me. He is 7 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 204

You deserved it 37 912

Get back on the horse

By Beth - 03/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job I really wanted, despite doing well on third round interviews (3 hours with 6 people), and having a good connection with the person I would've reported to. Now I'm upset and dropping the ball on emailing interviewers for the other good leads I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 206

Moved on

By Steppingstone - 03/05/2023 15:00

Today, I saw on Facebook that my ex of 6 years got married a few days ago. We broke up a year and a half ago because we had different plans; I wanted marriage and kids, and he wanted to “enjoy life and have fun.” Guess I’m not good enough to “enjoy life and have fun” with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 247

Hazmat suit time

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 13:00 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I went to the doctor because I felt sick. He told me to describe the symptoms I had. With every new symptom I described, he took a step back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 137

Grudge

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 10:00

Today, my grandmother informed me that I was rude to her at my wedding two months ago, all because she couldn’t sit at the bridal table, even though she "paid for the wedding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 876

Play stupid games…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Chelan

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 244

You deserved it 5 463

Chain reaction

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 13:30 - Australia

Today, I got drunk and spewed all over my lounge room floor. My dog ate it up, also got drunk, and also eventually spewed on the floor too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 1 164

Dangerous drive

By WAKE UP - 02/05/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, my uncle was driving my mom and me to his house. We caught him nodding off numerous times, and I'm pretty sure he actually fell asleep at least once. We were on the highway. The car suddenly started swerving several times whenever he was getting sleepy. I think I have some grey hairs now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 133

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 00:00

Today, I arranged a date with a girl online I really get along with, because frankly we both have a filthy sense of humour and love sexting. At the date, it turns out she’s deaf, which is not a problem, but she brought her sister as an interpreter. Without our usual conversation, it was just painfully awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 146

I'll be back

By missmolliss - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 774

You deserved it 3 467

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 02:00 - Australia

Today, I was late for work again because of road workers in front of my house parking me in. This has been going on since February, and will be until August, "Weather permitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 128

Please don't do that

By keep away from my bird! - 02/05/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I caught my girlfriend slowly and deliberately eating chicken wings while sitting in front of the cage while making eye contact with my beloved bird. When she saw me staring at her in horror, she let out the creepiest, most maniacal laugh I’ve ever heard. What the actual fuck?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 266

Piss off

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 12:00

Today, I had to deal with my crazy new neighbour who tried to physically stop me from laying my new driveway, on my property, because she claimed she’s allergic to cement while it’s still wet. Even if that were true, piss off back to your house away from the wet cement then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 101

Grindset mindset

By stupidboss - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 151

You deserved it 1 237

Anonymous is typing…

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 05:00 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I finally wrote a DM to the girl I'm in love with, telling her not to say yes if her ex asked her out, and instead to go out with me. I then chickened out and deleted the message, but then realised she'd still get the notification on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 903

Ex-friend

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 03:00

Today, my friend, knowing my mental health is really bad right now, decided to yell out the fact I have an eating disorder, and how she never sees me eat ever, then started to talk about self-harm and how she would never do it despite what she has gone through. All while side-eyeing me when talking to other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 131

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend's mother asked him when we were going to have kids. I already have a daughter from a previous marriage, and that pregnancy was traumatic, nearly ending in my death. Not to mention that due to depression and anxiety, I have put on an unhealthy amount of weight, making pregnancy higher risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 176

Demon

By Spooked - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself last night was my sister's Furby that she'd stuck in the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 949

You deserved it 7 281

My body hates me

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Elizabeth City

Today, like many other days before, my allergies decided, "screw you, you're dealing with me year round, no allergy medicine will keep me away, and you're going to break out in sneezing fits at the worst possible moments, which includes while you're driving on the highway." Shocking that I haven't been in a wreck yet, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 120

The hero we deserved

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 15:00

Today, I helped save three people, including a newborn, when I was sole witness to a bad car crash. My boss said that wasn’t a valid reason to be 4 hours late for work and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 102

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at 3 o'clock. I allowed thirty minutes for the drive, but when I put my key in the ignition, the car wouldn't start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 523

You deserved it 4 454

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 207

You deserved it 2 515

Today, me, my sister, and my boyfriend all live together. It’s time to renew the lease. They used this as an opportunity to let me know that they’ve fallen in love and I will not be on the new lease. Our parents died in a car accident last year and I have no other family who will take me in. My sister knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 122

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 816

You deserved it 7 640

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 418

You deserved it 5 730

Today, I looked for an affordable home. I'm on SSI but only on a bare minimum (less than $950 a month), but I'm by myself so I thought it wouldn't be a big deal. All the homes in my area are over $1k. When I tried to look for one with less beds and baths, they demanded I make an account before I could search further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 140