App

FMyLife

search






FMyLife FMyLife
search
​



    : 320



    New year, same shit

    Anonymous - - Australia

    Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on New Year's Eve. An hour later, I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the New Year with my boss. FML
    25 778
    4 530
      

    Pressing charges

    - 10/01/2026 22:00

    Today, I was out of town but saw the Ring camera footage of a woman dragging my wife out of our house by her hair and beat the brakes off her on the front lawn. The woman was the mother of the girl our daughter had been bullying. When confronted, our daughter laughed and said, "Oh well." FML
    187
    455
      

    Get the message

    thelandofoz - - United States

    Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said, "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML
    32 260
    7 779
      

    Impressive

    hisgirl4life - - United States

    Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML
    39 504
    8 856
      

    Balancing act

    KittyT - 27/02/2025 01:00 - Australia

    Today, my physio told me that due to my illness, roller-skating is too ambitious an activity. I grieve who I used to be, and the life I used to be able to live… FML
    458
    77
      

    Pesky kids

    Albert79 - 28/02/2025 09:00 - United States

    Today, I was on a video call with my boss and some clients. Everything was going smoothly until my 3-year-old son walked in wearing my wife’s high heels and started running circles around me, yelling, “Look at me, I’m a queen!” My boss and clients were visibly confused, and all I could do was laugh nervously, and hope it'll never be mentioned again. FML
    318
    150
      

    Not now!

    Gretchen -

    Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my two year-old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML
    28 673
    5 798
      

    This is fine

    Anonymous - - United States

    Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML
    45 256
    3 656
      

    NIMBYs all over

    Anonymous - 13/04/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I spoke out at a town hall about the lack of affordable housing. I was called a “Marxist” and told to “Move to Canada” by a guy who was vaping and wearing a “Don't Tread on Me” shirt. FML
    434
    133
      

    Chill out

    Utterly fucked - 17/04/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

    Today, I got into a stupid argument with an internet troll, who ended up making me so furious that I threw my laptop straight through my window. My dad will be home any minute. I'm a dead man. FML
    56
    1 010
      

    Mommy's boy

    Maybe I should just not fly home... - 18/04/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I asked my fiancee to drive me to the airport for a business trip in a few days. She ranted angrily that she already had plans, so I asked my mom to take me instead. Now she's pissed and saying, "Why don't you just go marry your mommy, since she does everything for you?" FML
    589
    101
      

    Thanks, I hate it

    Rawr - - Switzerland

    Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML
    33 993
    2 959
      

    It'll be drones these days

    Ace - - Canada - Toronto

    Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML
    45 593
    9 066
      

    Emergency

    Kassiopia - - United States

    Today, my dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter overreacted." FML
    37 829
    3 640
      

    Bizarre love triangle

    sunburychick - - Australia

    Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML
    47 124
    26 381
      

    Explain yourself

    potheadloljk - - United States - East Machias

    Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML
    28 670
    2 171
      

    Welcome to adulthood

    Jane - - Canada - Niagara Falls

    Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML
    41 309
    6 281
      

    Oh no…

    Anonymous - - United States

    Today, my dog proudly brought home a rabbit he'd killed. The same rabbit that belongs to my neighbor's daughter. FML
    45 679
    4 753
      

    Ah, those were the times…

    Anonymous - - United States - Ely

    Today, my 19-year-old brother subjected me to yet another rant about how the writers of My Little Pony aren't writing the show for people like him any more, the "true fans", otherwise known as pimply-faced adults who don't use deodorant and only shower once a week. FML
    40 889
    4 605
      

    Make your mind up

    Anonymous - - United States

    Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, but on the way back was rear-ended, in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML
    43 509
    3 297
      

    There's still hope, somewhere…

    John - 21/02/2025 08:00

    Today, like every day for the past few weeks, I watched the richest man in the world, who was never elected to any office, tear my government apart to make himself and his friends richer. We're so fucked. I'm so afraid for my family and loved ones. I don't know how to cope or protect them. FML
    762
    472
      

    Diss track

    Popscene - - Australia - Gold Coast

    Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML
    24 747
    3 029
      

    Broke

    Anon - - United States - Stony Point

    Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML
    32 462
    4 966
      

    Great timing, dude

    ugly - - Australia

    Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML
    30 840
    3 657
      

    Tool Academy

    soundbox - - United States

    Today, I was watching "Tool Academy" with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be "Tiny Tool." I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML
    24 849
    4 863
      

    Assholes

    NoRespect - - United States

    Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML
    39 094
    3 330
      

    Denied!

    Anonymous - - United States

    Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML
    85 409
    6 735
      

    Windshield blues

    Damnit - - United Kingdom

    Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. Two weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they couldn't make it that day and turned up any way after I'd gone out. FML
    2 280
    231
      

    Keep the change

    hatemylife - - United States

    Today, a group of Girl Scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought two bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML
    47 428
    7 074
      

    Great start

    whytoday - - United States

    Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML
    34 759
    8 461
      
    • 14
    • 15
    • 16
    • 17
    • 18
    • 19
    • 20
    • 21
    • 22
    • 23

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, my friends are going to see "The Social Network". They talked about it all through dinner, even though I was sitting right there and I hadn't been invited. When I asked about it, one of them said, "You wouldn't be interested", presumably because I don't use Facebook. He doesn't either. FML
    26 736
    3 348
    Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML
    29 528
    1 711
    Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML
    8 994
    20 051
    Today, I stood up to the school bully in a fight. Rather than thank me, the whole school, including some of his victims, now treat me like a psycho. Apparently they tolerated him because of his terrible foster parents, so me hitting him was actually way out of line, and insensitive. How did I become the bad guy here? FML
    1 566
    167
    Today, I noticed that my coffee mug has a 'dishwasher safe' label. I've been hand washing it for a year. FML
    187
    850
    Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
    4 617
    1 065

    © VDM SAS,

    ​