Your everyday life stories

New look

ouchbrow - - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

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Oh well…

DL06 - - United States

Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML

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Merry sigma grindset!

Anonymous - - United Kingdom

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, I'd be spending it with family. However, my boss decided everyone has to work today, despite the fact that there's enough people who want to work to run the place. Apparently it's "fairer" if we all have to do it - except him. FML

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Tis the season…

evil Santa - - United States - Solon

Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML

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Touché

- 16/01/2026 00:00

Today, I told my almost 18 year-old that she couldn’t go to a school event because I needed her to watch her younger siblings so I could go out with my sisters. She scoffed, “You have four baby daddies and not one can babysit?” and then went to the event anyway. FML

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Spray it

Anonymous - 13/02/2025 19:00

Today, one of the polyps in my husband's ass apparently burst because he farted in his sleep and sprayed blood all over the sheets and my legs, I thought he was dying. The ambulance took him away, but our daughter saw all the blood in our room and now won’t stop crying. FML

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Never get involved

Anonymous - 21/02/2025 10:00 - Australia - Geelong

Today, because I told her ex that they were an abusive cheater after my friend cried to me about how their ex was treating them horribly for the sixth time this month, my friend blocked me. The ex told her I'd be the reason they'll stay together, and my friend begged me to talk to the ex. I refused. FML

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Sometimes, they just do

Anonymous - 16/03/2025 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML

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Sneaky

Anonymous - 17/04/2025 06:00 - Australia

Today, I tried to sneak home from work 15 minutes early. I kept Teams open on my phone to remain “active”, but in doing so, accidentally group-video-called my whole team while walking out at 4:45pm. FML

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Anger management classes going well?

Annageewhiz34 - 23/04/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw the guy I met on Tinder and went out with, only to be told “I’m not ready for a relationship, let’s just be friends” out on a date kissing another girl. I interrupted the date to rip him a new one for lying to me, only to be escorted out by the restaurant manager. FML

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Make it make sense

Anonymous - 25/05/2025 21:00 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I got divorce papers from my wife, who was a former adult entertainment performer. Perhaps foolishly, I tried to get her to accept Jesus and become a Christian, which she eventually did. Now she is divorcing me for "being married to a former porn star." FML

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Thanks!

leem - - Belgium - Zoersel

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

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Rememberance Day special

Crappy circumstances - 11/11/2025 12:00

Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML

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Lucky escape

Anonymous - 27/11/2025 12:00

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML

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Don't mind me

Moon-chan - - Netherlands

Today, I was cycling home. On the way, my laces got stuck in the bicycle pedals and I couldn't move the foot that got stuck. The bicycle fell over, with me attached to it. Everyone was looking at me like, "What are you doing?" FML

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Supportive

Username - - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

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Uh oh…

jzone32 - - Canada

Today, I had my first job interview in years. While I was waiting for the manager to come out I realized I had forgotten the resume that I had printed out the night before, since he specifically asked me to bring one. FML

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Scary times

FUCK ICE FUCK TRUMP FUCK THE USA FUCK BIGOTRY AND HATRED - 12/01/2026 15:00

Today, I shared my opinions on ICE's recent murder of a mother on my TikTok, and shared it on my Bluesky account. I was still logged in to my work's Bluesky. A bunch of scummy bigot cavemen called my boss and complained, and the spineless fuckwit fired me. FML

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Is this another Tictac thing?

Anonymous - 25/01/2026 00:00

Today, my girlfriend hit me on the head with a frying pan for a funny video, because she thought it would go bonk and make me do a funny reaction. She must be a new kind of stupid cause I got four stitches, a hairline fracture, and a headache. FML

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Mouth malfunction

Melanie - 08/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML

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Paper day

bill - 20/02/2025 18:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, it's mine and wife's one-year anniversary. After only being married for a year, I quickly understood what her father really meant when he said, "Your problem now" and chuckled at our wedding. FML

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Busted

Carei - 26/03/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my parents told me that because they found dildos, a rose toy, and condoms in my bedroom, I’m not getting a car for graduation anymore. Also, I have 30 days from my 18th birthday to “find an apartment or something” and “get the hell out” since I’m "such a grown up now." FML

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Main character syndrome

What girl gets wet for Nickelback? - 18/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I started playing the piano at a party. I've been playing for 15 years, so naturally I'm pretty good. I got halfway through a song before getting shown up by some douche who started playing Nickelback on the guitar. Fucking Nickelback. FML

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Who are you?

Anonymous - 10/05/2025 03:00 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, a kid walked in on me and my new FWB having sex at her place. I knew she had children, so I asked if it was hers. No, it was her son's. I'm boning a grandma who's not even 50. FML

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MVP

Killmenow - - United Kingdom

Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing, and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML

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It like to move it move it

Almost_Homeless - - Canada - London

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

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Is he wrong though?

Impossible - 03/08/2025 12:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, a friend who works for the power company said, "Nuclear energy is clean and safe, hydro power is great, but we also need coal and gas, and wind and solar are dogshit." Again, he works for the power company. How does a so-called expert get it all so wrong? FML

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Lactose intolerant

ClintBEASTw00d - 19/08/2025 03:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, at the gym, I attempted to deadlift after binge eating ice cream last night. I need new underwear. FML

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Coincidence

lostmystuff - - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

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Safety test

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I woke up to my young niece hammering a metal cookie cutter into my leg. I'll have a teddy bear shaped scar for the rest of my life. FML

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Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

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Today, while at a baseball game, I was telling my friends about my underaged drinking experience at my sister's bachelorette party. It wasn't until I was done telling the story that I realized the Dean of my college was right behind us, looking right at me. So much for a good first impression. FML

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Today, I had to explain to my idiot son and his idiot girlfriend that an X does not mean negative when it’s on a pregnancy test; an X on a pregnancy test is actually a +, which means positive. FML

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Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

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Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

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