Your everyday life stories

Tall grass

Anonymous - 16/06/2011 14:43 - United States

Today, as I was mowing my neighbor's lawn, I found the Playboy magazine he'd left in his yard. I found it with the mower. I spent the next hour picking up little shards of naked women for no extra pay. FML

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crushed dreams - 16/06/2011 06:20 - United States

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

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James64138 - 15/06/2011 10:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a video of him having sex with someone from one of his last relationships because he thought it would turn me on. FML

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James64138

James64138 26

Monday 6 May 2013 4:41

OP here, and you're right. He was a complete idiot. I ended up dumping him a week later and I have a much smarter boyfriend now!

Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

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secretpornstar - 13/06/2011 19:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

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sheyshey0413 - 13/06/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

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John jacob - 13/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

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Oh hey how are you?

Shelly - 13/06/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

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gerligrl97 - 12/06/2011 18:50 - United States

Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML

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Mom - 11/06/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

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Ryan - 11/06/2011 14:24 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

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dadisgoatboy - 11/06/2011 06:37 - Switzerland

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

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lilben - 10/06/2011 08:09 - United States

Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML

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henry feingold - 10/06/2011 04:08 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out in a motel room. Just before we really got started I noticed that I forgot to close the drapes. Once I got up to close them I saw 3 maids and the manager run away. FML

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Patrick R - 09/06/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

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Liz - 09/06/2011 04:21 - United States

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

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Stay classy

kimboslice106 - 08/06/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was, "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

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Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

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Bad advice

Kate - 07/06/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

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Classy

Username - 07/06/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

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Anonymous - 06/06/2011 23:20 - United States

Today, I had sex with a Juggalo. FML

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JayFri - 06/06/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

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Anonymous - 06/06/2011 13:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

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Bruh…

... - 06/06/2011 07:44 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

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yup - 05/06/2011 07:23 - United States

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

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e_edge - 05/06/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, after I successfully blew up a really large balloon, my mom said, in front of my older brother's friends, "Wow, you're going to make some man really happy one day!" FML

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Anonymous - 04/06/2011 00:41 - United States

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

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peaaaak - 03/06/2011 10:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

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jsalmons - 02/06/2011 17:39 - Germany

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

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minecraftwilldie - 02/06/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I tried to put my seatbelt on. For some reason, it absolutely refused to click. I got frustrated, gave up, and just went on without it. I then got pulled over for not wearing it. I said to the officer, "Stupid question: can you TRY to put my seatbelt on?" He did. With no trouble. What did I do different? FML

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Today, I messaged a crush (it was mutual and we adored each other) from five years ago, just to talk. He seemed happy and we had a good convo talking about how our lives have changed, until he said, “Uh I seriously don’t remember you though, lol. Thanks for the follow, though”. then left me on seen and unfollowed me. FML

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Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

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Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

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Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

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Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML

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