Parents, Dad jokes, Argument Kids Mystery

Mystery

Waheyyy - - United Kingdom

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

confsused - 16/12/2013 17:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

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He's got game

Anonymous - - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

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Sneaky

Anonymous - - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

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bbbeast - 28/07/2009 02:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

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Slippery when wet

blewidstepr -

Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML

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Foreshadowing

JB. - - United States - Somerset

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

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Yada yada yade

Anonymous - - United States

Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML

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Devious

rachel - - Germany - Köln

Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML

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Trauma for life

he's still not convinced - - United States

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

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Very funny, Mom

ThanksMa - - Canada

Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way, my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML

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Anonanimal 0

Monday 7 September 2009 23:05

he's just trying to bug you. you wouldn't believe the things my parents have said to me in arguements xD

Suckylicious 0

Monday 7 September 2009 23:06

my dad says im adopted all the time. i think im his kid. i just dont care that much!

WeStayCrunk24x7 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 3:13

well if hes not joking then just say at least i wont have to adopt a kid instead of making my own becuase i couldnt get it up

Moemoemoe_fml 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 3:18

Your dad: 1 You: 0 Win. *lol*

redblueviolet 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 3:18

Ask him? I don't think he would just bring something like that up randomly... But then, I don't know your dad.

NewLight8421 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 3:42

STOP!

wtfjusthappened1 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 3:56

i just love ur picture

jaybloby 0

Friday 29 January 2010 5:46

hammer time?

krazykid187 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 4:03

people should stop putting in fml stories like this one. this wasn't even funny nor could i determine if his life sucks or if he deserved it.

inface2b 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 4:03

YDI for using a stupid word like geriatric

Paige_Nicole10 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 4:10

that was really low.

speakout26 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 5:02

Lmao

paigeee_x3 0

Tuesday 8 September 2009 5:08

ALL RIGHT, I'M FIRST(:

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I found out that, despite the name, it is indeed possible to get swimmer's ear without ever actually going swimming. Am I dumb, or am I right to be confused? I suppose it could be worse, but… how? FML

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Today, and the for the past few weeks, my husband has been sulking because I’ve recently stopped breastfeeding and my boobs have started shrinking back to their original A cup. FML

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Today, I asked my 13-year-old son if he thought he was mature enough for a talk about "the birds and the bees." His response was, "They fly, so what? Why would I care?" FML

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Today, my now ex-best friend decided to sell his house. This wouldn't be a problem if he hadn't asked me to live in it and look after it, which I've been doing for two years while he's abroad, and is the result of his loud-mouthed, obese mother leading him around by the nose, and forcing both of us to pay her bills. FML

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Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yes, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML

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Today, I asked my husband for a divorce. He said fine, as long as I got full custody of the kids. I did an actual double take; he didn’t want shared custody, he wanted me to take the kids, no arguments or negotiating, because he doesn’t want the kids anymore. FML

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