Weird, Awkward, First Dates Intimacy Ice-breaker

Ice-breaker

bye loser - 20/10/2014 09:28 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

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Found it

Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

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Recognize this?

Anonymous - 06/10/2014 02:42 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

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Weird assumption

writer4life - 17/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

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Classy

dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

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QC issue

Anonymous - 02/10/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML

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WTF dude?

Scarred for life - 04/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML

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Anonymous - 20/08/2014 22:14 - Sweden - ?kersberga

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

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MIB thingy please... - 05/02/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

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haggisbowl - 14/01/2012 06:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

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Picture game

- 01/12/2019 20:00

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foxwasalamb 24

Monday 20 October 2014 22:12

what the ****..? maybe its a clever way of saying he has a large penis

HappyItalian 38

Monday 20 October 2014 22:16

"Probably not you."

Witchylady 17

Tuesday 21 October 2014 0:53

And what was your reply?

elizacandle 29

Tuesday 21 October 2014 1:09

should've said , well it's definitely not your penis.

allplayedout 20

Tuesday 21 October 2014 1:26

"What's the biggest thing you've ever stuck up your ass? Was it bigger or smaller than my foot?"

lincolnstars 7

Tuesday 21 October 2014 1:33

????? That still leaves a burning question.

xvrhdez 5

Tuesday 21 October 2014 2:28

Allright let me break the code here, when a guy starts talking like that is usually when he thinks is not worth his time trying to hard for you

vikky538 28

Tuesday 21 October 2014 2:35

you can counter that by asking the same "what's biggest thing you have stuck up in your ass"...he is an ass..

steftriv 18

Tuesday 21 October 2014 4:08

At least you a dodged that bullet!

TPrice21 2

Tuesday 21 October 2014 4:38

The first thing I thought when I read this was "wow, that guy got a date" I haven't gotten that far yet.

ostfaiz 18

Tuesday 21 October 2014 4:45

ridiculous!..run baby

demonfacee 14

Tuesday 21 October 2014 4:46

Wow. Looks like he just wants sex.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML

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Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML

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Today, for the first time in at least two years, the temperature exceeded 100 degrees in my area. Except this time, it nearly hit 110. Even with my fan and air conditioner on the highest setting, my room was still burning hot. It's currently 11pm and the temperature has gone down… to 81 degrees. FML

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Today, I've known for a long time that I generally only wake up at ungodly hours in the night when something is wrong with me. Since last week, I've been doing this pretty much every night. Only now, I can't figure out what's wrong. Consequently, my anxiety is now keeping me awake too. FML

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Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

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Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

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