Your everyday life stories

sexless - 26/06/2016 03:39 - United States - Wilsonville

Today, my girlfriend told me that she believes we need to have a less sexualized relationship "in order for us to really work out" we've had sex twice in the six months we've been dating. FML

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AccidentProne - 26/06/2016 03:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I had my 3 month evaluation at my job. I was docked points because I "lack a sense of urgency," meaning I walk too slow. I limp because of a bum leg and would literally trip over my own feet if I walked any faster. My boss admitted to having noticed this but still docked points anyway. FML.

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Whatislife - 26/06/2016 03:01 - United States - Troy

Today, I was taking a picture for my girlfriend on her phone when a message from another guy popped up and said "So when can I make my move?" Turns out she was talking to him for months behind my back. FML

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Rayne - 26/06/2016 01:26 - United States - Cincinnati

Today I told my husband I may have cancer. His response was, "Where do you want to be buried and how much life insurance do you have? FML

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itsnotmylife - 26/06/2016 01:23 - Zambia - Lusaka

Today, my cousin held open the glass door for me and I quickly proceeded to enter it, when he slammed it in my face saying "expectation always leads to disappointment" and walked away laughing. FML.

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whathappened - 26/06/2016 01:12 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my friend agreed to dye my hair brown and blonde. Now, 5 hours, 5 boxes of hair dye and roughly $60 later, my hair is not only not brown nor blonde, but I look like I let a 5 year old dye my hair, and I resemble a pumpkin. FML

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prostate before all - 26/06/2016 00:57 - United States - Jamaica Plain

Today, at work, because I have been having bowel problems I sat longer than normal on the toilet. I stood up to wipe myself only to discover my legs were numb and fell forward thru the door and almost on my face on the floor in front of several co-workers including my manager. FML

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Anonymous - 26/06/2016 00:05 - United States - Saugus

Today, I had a consultation with a podiatrist about my ingrown toenails. He casually offered to clip them while I was there to take some of the pressure off until I could have them surgically corrected. I only found out afterwards that he marked it down as an operation and billed me as such. FML

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horriblelife3006 - 25/06/2016 23:40 - Singapore - Singapore

Today,a woman began screaming at me for 15 minutes at the restaurant I work at. The reason why? I served her a plate of leaves. She ordered a plain salad. FML

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allouttaluck - 25/06/2016 23:15 - Canada - Cochrane

Today, after months of planning & asking her father permission, I proposed to my girlfriend of five years.She burst out in tears. Thrilled it was a yes, I put the ring on her finger, stood up to kiss her, when she told me she had been sleeping with her best friend, Amy. I guess thats a no. FML

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wowbuddy - 25/06/2016 22:53 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was looking forward to swimming for the entire day. As soon as I finally got in the water, my dog decided he would join me. I currently have three deep scratches on my scalp where he peeled my skin away. FML

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hospitaljunky - 25/06/2016 21:36 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I just got home from the hospital after being admitted for a month for spinal surgery. I decided to take a nap in my own bed so I can finally have a good rest. As I lay down, a large spider crawls up and bites my arm. Guess where I am again? FML

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cousin lovin' - 25/06/2016 20:59 - United States - Kansas City

Today, after getting a physical done for my males soccer team I'd gotten McDonald's. I was on a diet and felt bad so I called my boyfriend, I told him I cheated on my diet but he cut me off on cheated and said he's glad because he's been doing it for the past year. With my cousin. FML.

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BenFiggy - 25/06/2016 20:40 - United States - Vicksburg

Today, I overheard a house renter in his 20's at the house next door to mine telling a story about a hand job he was given. I guess my 4 year old son heard, and now he won't stop saying "And then I came all over her face!" FML.

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Welp - 25/06/2016 19:56

Today, my husband decided to file for divorce because in his dream, I cheated on him with some stranger. We've been married for over 2 years, and I've been loyal to him since day one.. FML

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Scotth901 - 25/06/2016 04:53 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, my film teacher blatantly accused me of plagiarism of the phrase, "Over the stormy sea." After meeting with the principle, I was confident that nothing would come of it, as 4 words are not enough. Guess who just had a major incident report put on his permanent record for college. FML

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barbs - 25/06/2016 04:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend who lives with me tells me he's going to stay with his baby's mom for a week including his birthday... Apparently she's three and a half weeks pregnant. We've been dating for six months FML

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really - 25/06/2016 04:41 - United States

Today, I saved up enough money to get my phone fixed because the screen had broke. Excited leaving the store my little brother thought it would be funny to throw phone against the ground. He then ran back and high fives my mom who was video taping it all. FML.

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bunyan67 - 25/06/2016 04:40 - United States - Chanhassen

Today, I fell. Twice. Once tripping over a tennis ball and spraining my wrist, and then again walking down the stairs holding a bowl of popcorn when I tripped over my foot and tumbled down the stairs spraining my ankle. FML

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EmaeK - 25/06/2016 04:29 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, I went to a tanning salon owned by one of my associates families. As I was leaving, the owner handed me my vibrator that I accidentally left at my last visit and personally gave me his daughters two week notice. Now I have to find a new tanner and a new associate. FML

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TrebleMajor - 25/06/2016 04:22 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I was playing video games in the dark and drinking soda during the slow periods. When I took a sip of my soda, I felt something solid and moving in my mouth and I immediately spat it out. It was an earwig. FML

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Anonymous - 25/06/2016 04:11 - United States

Today, I'm on vacation with my boyfriend and his family. I got up to use the bathroom during the night and ended up cloging the toilet. My boyfriend can't stop laughing. FML.

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alwayscomplain - 25/06/2016 04:08 - United States - Brockton

Today, while looking for pants to fit over my cast from a broken leg the drawer of my dresser flew out and fell on the other foot and broke it and 2 toes. FML

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RadioHead - 25/06/2016 03:51 - United States - Creedmoor

Today, I was driving home from a long shift at work. Being as tired as I was I turned up my radio to keep me awake. I ended up being pulled over because "Anyone listening to music that loud is under some type of influence."

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laurentaylor43 - 25/06/2016 03:45 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I had surgery to remove a kidney stone that was causing horrible pain. They couldn't reach it, so instead put in a stent. Now every time I use the restroom, it feels like I'm peeing a million tiny knives, immediately followed by cramping that feels like the hulk is ripping my insides out. FML

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MDaemonM - 25/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I had to "bike" 3 miles in 98 degree weather.... and this usually wouldn't be a problem, seeing as how I do it every day. but today my pedal broke off about 1/4 mile in. FML

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confused - 25/06/2016 03:09 - New Zealand

Today, at my minimum wage job stacking supermarket shelves, a male customer wearing feminine clothing was being harassed by a large group of rowdy men. Both my department manager and the store manager were nearby. I had to approach them because no one else would. Faith in humanity -9000. FML

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ilikecheesefries - 25/06/2016 03:04 - United States - Scranton

Today, I took my mother to a local diner for breakfast where she asked the waitress for a blue waffle. I then had to explain what a 'blue waffle' was and why the waitress had a terrified look on her face. She thought it was a shorter way of asking for blueberry waffles. FML

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I think I saw the devil - 25/06/2016 02:56 - United States - Warminster

Today, I learned that the codeine prescribed for my severe bronchitis occasionally causes hallucinations. The doctor said it would help me sleep through the night, but it's hard to sleep when the shadows on my ceiling are coming to life. FML

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Anonymous - 25/06/2016 02:53 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I had to be cut out of a baby swing by the fire department at a playground. I'm 73. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had a dream in which an electrical outlet began spewing water. It then spoke to me, "You’re not telling ANYONE about this." I then woke up with laryngitis. FML

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Today, I was entering a guy's number into my phone, and I couldn't remember his name. Embarrassed, I tried to be sneaky and asked, "Can you spell your name for me, please?" His name is Bob. FML

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Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

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Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

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Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML

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Today, our boiler broke. Yesterday, it was our fridge. The day before that, the deck collapsed, and a few weeks ago the dishwasher flooded the kitchen. This is after we spent a ton of money to have the house gutted due to a mold problem. We only bought the house a year ago, and have lived in it even less. We need to move. FML

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