Your everyday life stories

hoponpip - 29/07/2016 11:35 - Australia - Bentley

Today, I went to a cafe with my best friend, as it was my birthday. Because I'd had such a good time, I slid down the banister to celebrate and faceplanted so hard I winded myself and skinned my knees. I'd never been in so much pain but she laughed all the way out of there as everyone stared. FML.

233

MagnusDeus - 29/07/2016 09:51

Today, I found out my girlfriend was flirting with other guys over Facebook, so I confronted her about it. Somehow, I was the one who ended up apologizing, and then buying her frozen yogurt. I'm still not sure what happened. FML

299

Proud father - 29/07/2016 06:49 - Lebanon

Today, I was in a cab having a chat with the driver when he pointed at a girl walking with purple hair and started ranting about how much of a slut she looked. After 5 mins of constant ranting, he finally shut up to which i responded "that's my daughter".FML

646

diana43 - 29/07/2016 05:53 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my selfish stepdaughter asked if her son could stay with me and my husband until Thursday this week because she really needs "some time to herself." This is the first time I've have a week off in almost 5 years and when I told her this she said "Okay, so would Tuesday be better?" FML

460

not_so_toadly_awesome - 29/07/2016 03:15

Today, I thought it was adorable when my dog made friends with a toad. Now he wants to meet ALL the toads. There are a ton of toads by our house, this could be a long night, FML

535

storrent - 29/07/2016 00:48 - United States - Dallas

Today, I got a raise at my job after being stuck just above minimum wage for over a year. In my mini celebratory dance, I managed to knock over a shelf of fragile items. No more raise, that's for sure. FML

524

102

julio - 28/07/2016 23:36

Today, after only walking about 12 kilometres around town, compared to my usual 20, I decided that instead of taking the lift up to the sixth floor, I would run up the stairs. I ran, I tripped, and crawled the remaining three. FML.

480

Brain_fart - 28/07/2016 20:46

Today, my father-in-law and husband decided it would be a great idea for the three of us to share a one bedroom hotel on our week long family vacation. FML

512

Anonymous - 28/07/2016 19:48 - United States - Roanoke

Today, while at work my best friend came up to me during the busiest time of the day to tell me that he's sleeping with the mother of my child. I'm serving her and her parents table. FML

518

Triplegoddess11 - 28/07/2016 19:46 - United States - Washington

Today, I groom dogs for living and I've always loved my job, however on this particular shift I had a Jack Russel decide to hang from my arm with its teeth.. 7 stitches and 1 hour later I'm back to work. FML.

487

pocolate - 28/07/2016 16:54 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I went to my first ever marching band practice. Not only did I forget my instrument, I wore a pink shirt instead of the mandatory white shirt, AND my shirt was inside out the whole time. FML

657

224

ykb1121 - 28/07/2016 15:29 - United States - Houston

Today, I was playing on my fiancés phone and noticed my name in his contacts. We've been best friends for 6 years, and have been dating for one year. He spelled my name wrong in his contacts and said he thought that's how it's spelled. Fml.

616

Ava_Darkflame - 28/07/2016 14:29 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I nearly suffocated myself. How? I had my blanket over my face, and as I yawned, I inhaled the damn blanket. FML

557

128

nikkiface - 28/07/2016 14:20 - United States - Loveland

Today, I was discussing face shapes with a coworker. After we both agreed I had an oval face shape she says I think that's the ugliest face shape someone could have. fml

540

Ripperoni - 28/07/2016 14:19

Today, when everyone was sleeping I decided to make myself an extra large pizza and eat it by myself. As I was taking the pizza out, my hand hit the top of the oven and the pizza fell on the floor. No pizza and a hurt hand. FML

521

Anonymous - 28/07/2016 14:03

Today, I met this really cute girl at the pool and we were hitting it off until I figured out she may be related to me. FML

544

fiercehawk - 28/07/2016 14:02

Today, my new bf and I had a powerful simultaneous orgasm. It was only our sixth time having sex together, so it should have been amazing. It would've been, except I sharted. FML

580

NoBabiesMoProblems - 28/07/2016 13:47 - United States - Decorah

Today, I went to the beach with my friends. Normally I would be starting my period soon but as my doctor recently informed me that I was pregnant, I wasn't worried about it. Turns out I started my period in my white swimsuit, in front of everyone. I went to my doctor. Turns out she was wrong. FML

538

meh... - 28/07/2016 12:52 - India - Kolkata

Today, I was about get my Xbox one since my dad told me that if I achieved over 90% in my final exams ,so when I asked him about it he said he was drunk and joking.FML

481

Scotty - 28/07/2016 12:35 - Australia - Maidstone

Today, after 20 years of service at my local school, the cross country "handicap" shield was named after me. I have a prosthetic leg. FML

411

xxRachybearxx - 28/07/2016 11:56 - United States - Bountiful

Today, my boyfriend got defensively angry after I poured my heart out about me fearing him only liking me for my body. After I cried for 15 minutes he said, "maybe you should just sleep it off." FML

407

BoredatWork - 28/07/2016 11:53

Today, I was so bored at the grocery store I work at that I purposefully dropped a jar of pasta sauce, just so I could clean it up and have something to do.

409

Vic - 28/07/2016 11:50

Today, upon waking up, I received an email that someone had changed my Steam password and email. The account is worth around 2000€. I'm a student and due to my poor life choices the account is worth more than everything else I possess combined. FML.

442

Zessie - 28/07/2016 11:12 - Belgium - Sint-pieters-leeuw

Today, I found out there was a mistake on the 2650 copies I printed to distribute for an event. I spent the whole week printing, and now I have only one day to do it again. FML

385

pimmster - 28/07/2016 10:16 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, I woke up to a painful hangover. I had to walk to the shop to get something to relieve the pain, but being broke, I only picked up a few coins out of my coin pot. Once I got to the till, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of guitar picks. I'd reached into the wrong pot... FML

371

NoCarmaPlease - 28/07/2016 09:51 - Denmark - Odense

Today, my OCD struck again when I saw a yellow M&M in the tank with blue M&M's. I had to buy 2 kg blue M&M's in order to get the yellow one out. FML

359

ToothlessWonder - 27/07/2016 19:50 - United States - Harlan

Today, I found out that I cannot wear dentures because my gag reflex is too sensitive. Because of an infection that spread to my jaw and then my teeth, I had to have them all pulled. I spent over $4,000 and went through weeks of pain, just to look like your every day meth head. FML

761

103

izazbouletz - 27/07/2016 19:00

Today, I went to the gym. Only I wasn't training, I was sitting in my car in the parking enjoying the wifi while eating a McFlurry. FML

550

212

fitnessgram - 27/07/2016 18:04 - Canada - Niagara-on-the-lake

Today, while talking to my dad, he threw a ball to me and it nailed me in the nuts. I stumbled back in pain, only to fall into my pool, smashing my chin off the concrete deck. I've never felt such pain in my life. FML

625

SleepyHead - 27/07/2016 12:56

Today, I came to work despite sleeping a total of 13 hours in the last four days. Three coffees, one Red Bull and six hours later, I managed to finish up early and jumped up to go home. I lost balance immediately and smashed my face into my desk. I have a broken nose and still haven't slept. FML.

858

106

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, it's been a year since my divorce. My deadbeat bipolar ex-wife is on her third boyfriend. I'm raising both our kids solo and, despite trying, have not even been able to land a single date since we seperated. FML

734

123

Today, I pretended to be texting to avoid talking to an old classmate I saw at the grocery store. Unfortunately, my phone rang while I was “texting.” It was the classmate. I had no choice but to answer, while we were both standing 10 feet apart. FML

128

438

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

37 195

4 949

Today, I had a big final project due for class. None of my project partners would help me yesterday, because they were convinced we'd have a snow day. Unfortunately, we didn't have a snow day, and we failed. FML

44 614

7 616

Today, I found out that the weird lump on my eye is benign. That would be great news but they aren't going to treat it at all. Now I look like I'm high all the time. FML

28 646

2 903

Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML

45 469

6 697