Weird

Teacher X

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, some guy punched me square in the face for bullying him through high school. I had no idea who he was, and he was angrily yelling for what I once did to him in teacher X's class. I never had teacher X. Then he realised we didn’t even go to the same school. Mistaken identity = my busted nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 106

Dude, what are you doing?

By deadman - 16/08/2013 01:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 705

You deserved it 30 269

Stalker vibes

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 14:02 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had a surprise visitor at my place. A guy I was talking to a few months back. He said he was down my way getting gas and thought he’d stop by. He lives more than 45 minutes from my place, in the opposite direction, with about 20 gas stations between us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 217

Where's my dog?

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the dog sitter I'd left him with while I was on vacation. When I arrived at her house to pick him up, she said, "I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about." and threatened to call the cops if I didn’t "leave her premises for trespassing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 143

Get your act together

By Z…… - 14/11/2012 00:43 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 793

You deserved it 36 059

That one weird friend

By MsSmellyFeet - 16/11/2022 04:00 - United States - Bedford

Today, my friend and I went back to my house after a gym session. After I took my shoes and socks off in the foyer, I told her to wait while I brought some post-workout smoothies. I came back to find her sniffing my socks. She stared back at me for a bit, said, "Uh, catch ya later", and left with my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 141

Gun nut

By missbrit - 04/02/2011 07:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 349

You deserved it 8 274

People gonna be people

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 10:59

Today, I had to fix signs to a pond in the public park, stating that the water is not fit for drinking. Yes, this is after someone drank the water, became very sick, and successfully sued us for not having a sign up telling him the pond of mucky brown water with fish in isn’t fresh drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 103

What the hell?

By Anonymous - 02/06/2024 07:00 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I went a girl's home for our second date. As she opened the door, she was leaving with another guy. I said, "I thought we had a date this evening?" Her response was, “Tah tah!” as she walked out the door while hanging on to his arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 96

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 300

Get it?

By Jessica - 08/07/2011 00:58 - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 719

You deserved it 3 154

Weird assumption

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 14:29 - United Kingdom - Hassocks

Today, my best friend told me how his batshit insane girlfriend keeps questioning his sexuality and thinks we're screwing behind her back. He's so desperate for a relationship that he's decided to stop hanging out with me. Goodbye seven years of friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 555

You deserved it 1 817

Dahmer in the making

By Anonymous - 19/10/2022 14:00

Today, my son asked me, "If it’s so easy to tear meats like raw chicken breast and beef steak apart with your hands, doesn’t that mean it’s just as easy to tear human flesh apart, even if they’re still alive?" This right here is why I send him to therapy twice a week, but it’s not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 160

Barely legal

By I work for an idiot - 30/06/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me, and only me, to leave work before I was done because I'm a minor and he can't have me sticking around at work as long as I do. I'm not a minor. My coworkers are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 109

The blame game

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 06:00

Today, I got home from work to the news my daughter and stepson are dating, and having sex, which is weird but not illegal, since they’re not related. My wife however is blaming me, because I apparently didn’t let her discipline them harshly enough when they were teenagers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 318

Making a Murderer

By CatCreator - 11/10/2019 14:00

Today, my 8-year-old son eagerly showed me a PowerPoint he made. It consisted of REALLY graphic and gory descriptions of a guy getting murdered, complete with pictures from the internet. He was laughing the whole time he was showing me this, and even set one of the images as his desktop background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 350

Mother nature's son

By Rita - 24/11/2021 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my son brought home a fawn, saying it’s his new pet. I objected and told him to put it back in the woods, because the mom deer must be worried. He threw a tantrum, told me to stop getting in the way of their "bond” and stormed off to his room with it. He’s 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 268

Meritocracy, huh?

By Anonymous - 23/05/2025 03:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my dad got mad at me for not believing him when he kept repeating that our dear leader was appointing Judge Judy to the government. I then found out he wasn't far off, so I don't know which is worse, that he was technically correct about some TV judge, or that the actual "judge" is even worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 193

Panic mode engaged

By Kit - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 738

You deserved it 6 023

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 14:01

Today, my sons are such idiots that they had a blazing punch-up that put both of them in hospital, all because one of them stole the last cigarette from a packet. Never mind they both have their own cigarettes, but for some reason the theft of this one cigarette was the last straw that lead to a punch up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 322

Brainwashing

By Balla66 - 23/04/2022 16:00

Today, my mother got rid of all my anime DVDs and Manga collection, the reason being that she’s tired of me immersing myself with “ching chong cartoons” and she’s afraid I’ll turn into a “Beijing communist puppet.” Only 10 more months until I turn 18 so I can move the hell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 208

Besties

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 08:01 - South Africa - Nottingham Road

Today, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just moved in with his mom. They've been in my face knitting and baking bread together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 17:42 - Pakistan

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 787

You deserved it 10 135

Blaze it 420

By Anonymous - 03/06/2014 09:46 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 294

You deserved it 17 699

Nice try

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 21:00 - Philippines

Today, I got drunk until morning at a college friend's apartment with bunch of strangers. Some officials came in due to the noise and I tried to scare them away by pretending to sing a latin song of worship I made up, thinking they'd respect the gathering if it was a religious one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 1 501

Pissed to meet you

By Anonymous - 09/08/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 558

You deserved it 3 175

You what now?

By ashley anne - 16/10/2022 04:00

Today, I was called a wimp for getting a sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 154

Keeping your options open

By Nick - 02/04/2022 19:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my girlfriend was swiping on Tinder and came across my active profile before confronting me. I'm not sure who's more in the wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 1 686

Social science

By Josh - 16/07/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 178

Cucked

By Anonymous - 21/12/2021 20:01

Today, my wife confessed to me that she used to sext her old coworker, and almost had sex with him. The bad part is that it turned me on. Should I encourage her? FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 1 170

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Parents Divorce Scary Miscellaneous Insects Coworkers Awkward Work Birthday DIY Kids Clothes Embarrassing Teenagers School Video games Gamers Family Public freakouts Break-ups Addiction Health Sex Pregnancy Intimacy Friends Weird Pranks NSFW

The Top

Today, one of my customers told me he was going to kill himself when I explained to him that I wasn't going to be able to deliver him the gallon of milk he wanted. I work in a pharmacy, dispensing medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 850

You deserved it 1 275

Today, I got the chance to confront the guy who raped me when we were teenagers. Not only did he not remember me, he genuinely had no idea he'd done anything wrong, and called me a lunatic before walking away. The look of utterly sincere bafflement on his face is seared into my memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 143

Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 671

You deserved it 45 683

Today, I was chatting to a cashier I see quite a lot, trying to be as charming and as unsmarmy as possible. When she asked if I wanted the receipt, I panicked and said, "No thanks, I don’t believe in paper." She looked at me like I was an alien. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 477

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 415

You deserved it 22 029

Today, I had to do my laundry. Being too lazy to separate them into different colors, or even check the pockets of my jeans, I threw everything I own into one load. Turns out I had left a tin of lip balm in one of my pockets. My whole wardrobe is now covered in spots that won't come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 721