Poopoo peepee

Family, family, family…

By mylifesucks - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 395

You deserved it 5 378

Awkwaaaaaaard

By Zoe Avila - 09/08/2011 22:55 - United States

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 925

You deserved it 9 101

Source?

By Yudith - 11/03/2024 07:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I can't drink coffee anymore due to its turbo-diarrhea effect on me. I also have to take something with caffeine everyday or I will have a migraine, so I drink Diet Coke. Today, I saw on TV that even two cans of soda a week erase the heart health gains made during exercise. Goodbye, healthy hearth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 252

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 594

You deserved it 3 454

Can't hold it in anymore

By Anonymous - 28/05/2022 04:00 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 189

Help!

By stinkyhair - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 276

You deserved it 2 915

Bad boy

By lukey101 - 27/03/2023 16:00

Today, my puppy celebrated a milestone by lifting his leg to pee for the first time. Too bad it was up against my brand new soft fabric couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 189

Get it done already!

By yeetyeet - 06/01/2019 12:00

Today, we had an emergency lockdown drill. The closest room to me was the bathroom, so I rushed in and went into one of the stalls like I was supposed to, only to find out that a girl in the stall next to me was shitting. And it didn't seem like she was going to be done anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 344

Occam's razor

By Anonymous - 19/07/2024 00:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, it's been a month since I fell into a pile of dog crap whilst walking back from school with my crush. She hasn't texted me since, even though we were inseparable before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 102

Just pish yerself

By Anonymous - 30/10/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I went to the store. In the span of 10 minutes, I went from not needing to pee, to pissing myself in the middle of the crowded store. It wasn’t even just a little bit, it was a full-on stream, and there were no toilets in this store. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 143

Wedding of the year

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 1 189

Covid is so 2019

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 03:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I’m sick with COVID and got so exhausted from changing my rank, sweaty bed sheets, that I had to lie down. I then had a sudden coughing fit that made me shit my pants, right through to the freshly-changed bed, and I then burst into tears about it. I’m 34 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 178

Good to know

By peeshy - 16/05/2021 06:01

Today, I used the upstairs bathroom rather than the downstairs one, which was in close earshot of my parents. When I came out, my mom angrily asked why I used that bathroom. I explained to her that I have shy bladder, and she said, "That’s not a real thing. I can go even with someone watching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 05:33

Today, while on a family Disney World vacation, I saw a kid shitting on a public bathroom floor. It was my kid. He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 839

You deserved it 12 077

By Amber - 10/01/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 174

You deserved it 3 280

Fire hose

By pissedoffandon - 06/05/2009 14:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 945

You deserved it 61 852

Toxic workplace

By Keerah - 31/08/2025 13:00 - Russia - Kolomna

Today, at work, I wondered: What's worse than a psychotic, gaslighting supervisor with his classic "You are worthless!" and "I never said/did that!" and other variations? A combination of said character with an autistic employee who panics at every such situation to the brink of peeing themself. I hate being that employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 129

Hype house prank style

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 17:00 - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I woke up to find I'd peed the bed. My girlfriend did the warm water trick to me, where she put my hand in water while sleeping, which can make you piss yourself apparently. As I went to get up, I noticed she'd also painted my toenails pink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 204

Welcome home!

By dumb - 02/06/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours, one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell, and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done, I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 026

You deserved it 25 720

Spooked

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 280

Bad boy

By Titatoum - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 533

You deserved it 5 933

Snap!

By wheelchairgirl - 16/12/2016 01:21 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 407

You deserved it 1 131

Countdown

By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 02:00 - Australia

Today, I took my regular shit, like clockwork. Same time, every single day. Unfortunately, that time is midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 144

Too trusting

By Anonymous - 07/09/2023 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 201

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 485

You deserved it 7 998

Shitty customers

By Rosie J. - 10/11/2016 02:45 - United States - Leawood

Today, I saw an older gentleman running through my store. I wasn't sure why he was running towards the front door until I looked at the floor and saw a poop trail behind him. The trail went from the front of the store all the way to the back of the store. Guess who had to get the mop and bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 429

You deserved it 588

New pariah just dropped

By Anonymous - 09/01/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had such an intense stomach ache I couldn’t even stand up. I ended up shitting my pants. I’m 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 143

Shitty

By Anonymous - 20/09/2025 03:00

Today, I woke up at my brother-in-law's house in the middle of the night to discover I had a watery shit in my underwear. I thought I was safe because had on a Depends, I wasn’t and had to change my sweatpants too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 147

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 867

You deserved it 5 294

Leaked internals

By Poopy pants - 12/06/2023 12:00

Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 141

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The Top

Today, I attended my aunt's open-casket funeral. My sister spent the first quarter of an hour neither grieving nor celebrating her life, but whining that the "cute" clothes my aunt was dressed in could have been handed down to her, instead of being "wasted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 800

You deserved it 2 698

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 549

You deserved it 38 979

Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 314

Today, I got kicked in the balls twice in two hours. The first was my (now ex) girlfriend when I confronted her about cheating on me, and the second was her overprotective friend who thought that I was the cheater. One is a cheerleader, and the other is a soccer player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 146

You deserved it 367

Today, I needed to call my mom to get some info so I dialled the number on my work phone. Not 2 seconds after, my cellphone rang. I got super pissed off because I hate when people call me on my cell at work. It was me. I'd dialled my own number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 2 401

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 4 941