Dating

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 157

It came from outer space

By Martian man - 23/11/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I saw the woman I asked out last month in a relationship with another guy. She rejected me because she “wanted to focus on herself.” I texted her and asked why she had lied to me. She responded with, “Okay, you caught me. But can you blame me? I’m not attracted to butt ugly Martian-looking men.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 743

Casanova

By you guys suck! - 27/12/2021 11:03

Today, I realized how absolutely shitty my family is when my brother brought home his third girlfriend this week. They all smiled in her face, knowing full well my brother is a cheating asshole. Not to mention, she’s pregnant with his kid. I wasn’t allowed to date til I moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 139

Legal Eagle

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 05:01

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 2 795

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 00:00

Today, I arranged a date with a girl online I really get along with, because frankly we both have a filthy sense of humour and love sexting. At the date, it turns out she’s deaf, which is not a problem, but she brought her sister as an interpreter. Without our usual conversation, it was just painfully awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 147

The struggle is real

By Any mouse - 05/03/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, I'm a 46 year-old woman who hates online dating, and who is now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 204

Let down

By heartbreakkid21 - 14/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. While in the movie theater, I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said, "You're so funny, I'm so glad we're friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 220

You deserved it 5 628

Trading places

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bremerton

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 670

You deserved it 2 864

Honest discrimination

By erin - 16/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was called fatphobic for rejecting an overweight man who asked me on a date. I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to fat people. There’s just nothing there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 244

Nice, thanks

By rmonk - 06/07/2016 12:17 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at an ice cream place, and a guy started chatting with us. As he eventually went to leave, he told me, "That's a nice looking date you got there." Then he turned to my friend. "Wish I could say the same to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 583

You deserved it 1 024

Are men OK?

By Anon - 14/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I had a manbaby on a dating app tell me that I should experience more transphobia, because I declined to sleep with him behind his wife's back. Dating as a trans person is hard enough, but WTF, dude? FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 412

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 290

You deserved it 694

Golddigger

By back to cock-hunting - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Burnaby

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 836

You deserved it 5 171

Afterthought

By too slow - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said, "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 635

You deserved it 9 917

Denied

By bl4ckk4t - 19/08/2021 08:01 - Australia - Morwell

Today, the guy I've been dating online for the last year and who I'm madly in love with blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 286

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 27/11/2022 06:00

Today, I’ve had a blocked nose for weeks, so when I sneezed I partially dislodged a massive solid booger. It was so big and thick, I had to grab it and pull it the rest of the way out. I was on a first date at the time, and he left before I got back from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 210

First dates

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 18:59 - United Kingdom - Blackburn

Today, I went to a Christmas market with a guy. Not only did he buy himself a hot chocolate, he made me pay for his pancakes, which he threw away halfway through. He took me to a bar after ,just to get himself a nice cocktail, and free tap water for me. Nice date, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 279

In a hurry

By bubbles - 10/06/2022 16:00

Today, my husband got home from a date, since he can't wait for our divorce to go through on account of his cheating. I literally put off medical school for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 189

Mixed signals

By Intheway - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the guy I've been dating told me that I need to stop hanging on him in public because it's ruining his game with other girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 723

You deserved it 6 184

Overly emotional

By hhhhhhhh - 31/03/2023 00:00

Today, my date received food she didn’t order, and instead of eating it without complaint, she sent it back. When I got up to leave, she began to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 2 239

Overenthusiastic

By Sash - 06/04/2012 21:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 630

You deserved it 38 403

Deception

By bobthenun - 20/03/2013 21:16 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived, I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 303

You deserved it 10 778

Great Plains? Tornado Alley?

By a girl with eyes - 23/09/2023 08:00

Today, I had to cancel a first date due to tornado weather. The guy texted me, saying never to contact him again, and then blocked me. This is the fourth time this exact scenario has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 199

What's wrong with me?

By Anonymous - 02/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I deleted all of my dating apps because apparently something is wrong with me. I've been on 20 different dates this year and nothing has come out of it. I feel like I have the plague and no one wants to be near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 176

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 24/06/2020 17:02

Today, I took my new girl out on a date after work. Ten minutes later, my ex-wife, her new boyfriend and my daughter showed up at the same restaurant and decided a double date would be fun. My ex lives an hour away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 455

You deserved it 179

Love is in the air

By Anonymous - 21/04/2022 02:00

Today, I work in a call centre for telecommunications and someone called in to ask about a payment on their account. I meant to ask them if they had checked their online banking statement, but instead I asked them if they had checked their online dating profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 377

Peter and Pan

By dudeWTF - 03/07/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, after a great double date with my best friend and two really hot guys, we went back to my place. My friend and I left the guys in the living room to go grab some more wine. When we came back, we found our dates making out with each other on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 189

I'm on fire

By Jyocka - 26/04/2011 22:25 - Canada

Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 301

You deserved it 27 148

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 538

You deserved it 4 989

Weird encounter

By No date for me - 29/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 131

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The Top

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 887

Today, my parents are furious and are refusing to let me see my kids. Why? They're raising my kids after I lost them to foster care and I stopped fighting for custody, and just announced my pregnancy with my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 2 029

Today, I confidently told a funny story during a holiday family dinner. Nobody laughed, except my younger cousin, who snorted so hard at the way I'd flopped into complete silence, he sprayed cranberry sauce across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 139

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents for the first time. My dad took one look at him, sighed and said, "You deserve someone better. Someone who is responsible, and has their priorities straight in life." Beyond upset, I told my dad that I love him. My dad disgruntledly responded, "I was talking to him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 209

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 860

You deserved it 6 392

Today, I dreamt I wet my pants in front of everyone. It wasn’t a dream. A toddler laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 256