Sex, Awkward, Ableism and Intimacy: Stop, just stop - FML

Stop, just stop

By Girl123999 - 04/03/2009 23:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 320

You deserved it 35 538

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Same thing different taste

Slip up

By ooops - 04/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 7 311

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 391

You deserved it 4 056

Curious

By Ghostrui - 15/05/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 177

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 918

You deserved it 4 994

By Anonymous - 09/06/2009 08:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 885

You deserved it 5 752

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 154

You deserved it 7 245

By Told_You_So - 09/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 107

You deserved it 5 090

Oh hell no

By Anonymous - 27/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Spicy

Today, I was in the "getting to know you" phase of dating a guy I recently met. We were talking about our families and I mentioned my dad died when I was young. He blurted out, “So, we get to have some of that kinky daddy issue sex then, huh?” I’m not sure if he was joking or not but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 129

Fight ****

By Anonymous - 11/07/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, I heard my step-dad hitting my mom, and her begging him to stop, so I grabbed my cricket bat, ran in, and almost brained him. Luckily I stopped in time, because they were both naked having sex. Apparently my mom likes extreme spanking. Eww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 307

The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 124

You deserved it 74 107

Next

Top comments

ObellaO 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:36

Quite honestly I appreciate the twisted humor =-)

thecheshirecat_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:48

your dad is kind of awesome =P

Comments

loftobot 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 5:43

thats hilarious XP I wish my parents were that open about my sex life. lol. thats a really witty hilarious thing to say.

Nevelii 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 14:54

HaHaHaa! That's awesome.

MUSiC_iS_lifExx 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 1:18

lmao you dad is awesome! ha

DangerousBabee 0

Friday 8 May 2009 2:33

Lmao xD Your parents are awesome!! Ahahahaaa!!!

Rekabeck 7

Monday 11 May 2009 2:36

LMAO, your parents freakin rule! XD

hanners 0

Monday 11 May 2009 5:36

HAHAHAHAHAH this is great(:

cindylouwho5 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 4:39

lol what are you talking about, your parents are amazing :)

ranjeybaby 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 18:00

this is awesome

SweetheartAngel 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 4:22

Okay, hilarious if your friends asked you; mortifying since it was your parents.

Somebody52 0

Monday 25 May 2009 12:59

That is realy funny and seriousely just plain rude.

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The Top

The Top

Today, I haven’t had a haircut in 15 months. Our politicians announced that the lockdown, prohibiting haircuts, commerce and social life, will go on even longer than previously decided. Our impeccably coiffed politicians, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 242

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 202

You deserved it 12 461

Today, I went to clean my roof when something buzzed by my head and a sting hit my neck. It turns out there's a small nest of, like, five hornets just chilling outside of my window. I found a dead one on the desk in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 132

Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because I was blocking the T.V. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 074

You deserved it 8 012

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "Hell". FML

I agree, your life sucks 211 243

You deserved it 35 037

Today, I realized how invisible I am when our professor was showing us that he knows the names of all the students in our class. When he reached me, he just smiled at me and skipped to the person next to me. I took 3 courses with this guy yet I'm the only one he didn't know the name of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 684

You deserved it 1 878