Your everyday life stories

Sunflora - 16/04/2016 17:52 - United States - Aliquippa

Today, I had a very vivid sex dream about my husband's brother, who also happens to be gay. His brother and I are very close and now I'm to terrified to look at him. This dream also occurred while I was snuggled up in bed with my young daughter. I'm going to throw up now. FML

ouch - 16/04/2016 17:50 - United States - Junction City

Today, even after lots of lube and foreplay my girlfriend was still terribly tight. As she slowly worked me into herself it felt like my foreskin was going to rip off. FML

Anonymous - 16/04/2016 17:32 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months cheated on me. Disclaimer, it was two guys. One being his cousin and one being my best friend. FML.

FuckWorkCalls - 16/04/2016 17:31 - United States - Manhasset

Today, I was in the bathroom before my shift at work. My boss already called twice, probably asking where I was. So I picked up to tell him I was in the bathroom. But just then a huge fart came out. He hung up. So embarrassing. FML.

rhiannakirwan - 16/04/2016 17:30 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, I realised how sad my life really is, after I made numerous fake accounts on Facebook just to boost up likes on my profile picture. The worst part? People at school found out and I'm now constantly called 'loser liker'. Fml.

Anonymous - 16/04/2016 17:24 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months cheated on me. Disclaimer, it was two guys. One being his cousin and one being my best friend. FML.

Anonymous - 16/04/2016 17:24 - United States - Antioch

Today, after having surgery Wednesday about an hour after I learned I had appendicitis my mom had the nerve to ask how I was. After coming to see me at the hospital and bringing me dead flowers. Then leaving because SHE didn't feel good. This was my first surgery. FML.

Anonymous - 16/04/2016 17:17 - Australia

I'm a nurse. Today I worked a 10 hour shift with no break. I had to flush a patients rectal tube with saline and the syringe slipped...and I got sprayed in the face with poop. Some got in my mouth. Fml

Mudge - 16/04/2016 17:06 - United States - Cypress

Today, my brother had people over for a party. one of the girls got so drunk that she tried to smear mayo on top of the plastic lid of a container of deli meat because all our bread was moldy. She started crying when I had to tell her you can't eat plastic. Stuff like this happened all night. FML

beechbone - 16/04/2016 17:04 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, This hot bartender was telling me how it annoys her to no end when guys are always staring at her ass and looking down her shirt whenever she bends over. I was agreeing with her aggressively saying some men are just classless pigs. She caught me staring down her shirt 2 minutes later... FML

WarMachine68 - 16/04/2016 16:26 - United States - San Diego

Today, I finally worked up the courage to confront my emotionally abusive brother about how he was affecting my mental health. He responded by screaming at me for being 'too sensitive'. FML.

Anonymous - 16/04/2016 16:23 - Australia - Melbourne

Today I arrived at my rental home and was greeted with a horrible smell. Found that my toilet had basically exploded and had been overflowing all throughout the day. Just spent two hours cleaning human urine and faeces out of my carpets and tiles.

jim - 16/04/2016 16:19 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was kicked in the nuts at school. Why? They found out I don't use snapchat. FML

Anonymous - 16/04/2016 16:01 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today I bought a new ferret on a whim. I brought her home to meet my gf, she jumped on her lap and bit her right in the nipple. Now I have to try and return a ferret or find a new gf. Fml

Monkeyhuman - 16/04/2016 15:50 - Finland - Lappeenranta

Today, my parents forced me to come and spend the weekend at our relatives' house because they "wanted to see me more often". I'm now sitting alone with our dog while everyone else is out drinking. FML

Anonymous - 16/04/2016 15:27 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I had to kick out my renter because after moving her dog in, she then tried to move in her boyfriend. She had only been here a week and didn't even pay her first months rent, and they ate all my food. Fml

BadSameOle - 16/04/2016 15:19 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I was outside enjoying the beautiful weather with my dogs when my puppy decided the oven rack burn on my arm I'd acquired last night looked appetizing as he ripped the fresh scab off in one bite ate it as I scream in pain. FML

badthingshappentogoodpeople - 16/04/2016 15:02 - United States - Helena

Today, I saw a young lady who had locked her keys in her car, I work for a towing company and unlock cars all the time so I went to help. I unlocked her car and I felt great. I then realized it wasn't her car as she drove away and the actual owner of the car showed up immediately afterwards.

Dodged the Bullet - 16/04/2016 15:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I told my girlfriend I was sick with an Upper Respiratory Tract infection. She then proceeded to break up with me because "She can't date guys with STD's". FML.

magic man - 16/04/2016 14:56 - Canada - Shawnigan Lake

Today, as my my boyfriend of 4 years and I were having sex he asked when my birthday is. I then proceeded to start screaming at him not only because today is my birthday but because I thought this was birthday sex. FML

popularonion - 16/04/2016 14:50 - Canada - London

Today, I finally opened up to my best friend about my depression. How did she reply? "Same." FML

anonymous - 16/04/2016 14:45 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, and the last couple days, I've been really sick. All I've wanted to do is lay in bed and sleep, but my dad just wants me to do yard work and water the grass. I think he's more concerned about his grass then he is about my health. FML

godawfuldays - 16/04/2016 14:39 - United States

Today, we are going over to my girlfriend's parent's house. Not too bad except for the fact that the only other person she's slept with is going to be there and is very friendly. FML

GingerSnap98 - 16/04/2016 14:32 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, instead of cooking a good breakfast for myself, I cooked up soft chicken for my toothless cat, and now don't have time to eat myself. I'm literally pussy whipped. FML

seriouslydude - 16/04/2016 14:17 - United States - Fremont

Today, my date dumped me because I don't use Tinder. I don't even understand this world's logic anymore. FML

divorcedguy - 16/04/2016 14:12 - United States

Today, I got to see my wife for the first time in 8 months. I travel a lot for work and was excited to be able to go home and see my wife. Only to get served with divorce papers as I got to my house. FML

DJJew - 16/04/2016 14:12 - United States - Farmingville

Today, my parents gave me two tickets to go to a Billy Joel concert (whom I'm a really big fan of) I was so excited all day in school. When I was ready to go, my parents told me they were fake and it was just a prank. FML

Zeno - 16/04/2016 13:35 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my wife of 15 years left me for another man with the explanation that she "just doesn't love me anymore", and my mother called to tell me she has been diagnosed with cancer. FML.

Anonymous - 16/04/2016 13:32 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, I came home after a long day at school only to find my cat tangled in a grocery bag running around the house sopping wet. Apparently my little brother tried to give her a bath, then dry her off with the plastic bag...FML

nooooo - 16/04/2016 13:27 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned that my computer likes to shut off itself randomly without warning. There goes the almost-finished 600-word essay I've spent a week on. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

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Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

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Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

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Today, my girlfriend, who collects monthly welfare cheques, demanded that I get a second job so I could buy her more things. FML

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Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what was making him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

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Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

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