EMFY313

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Maple Ridge, Canada
48 years-old
Sunday 06 February 1977
single

A propos de Emfy313

Mah name is Albert Rungtoncilt and I like to look a dese FML stories and laugh my hairy a$$ off. I also like grape Popsicles, and I love to collect human eyebrow hair so if u got any to spare, hit me up!

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Emfy313's favorite FMLs

By hahahehehohohoo - 07/02/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

agreeclassic 324 603

vote type 1 58 702

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:18 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

agreeclassic 52 236

vote type 1 5 877

Jesus H Christ

By bastard - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a Nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming, "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

agreeclassic 43 866

vote type 1 4 543

By fuck my eyeballs - 01/12/2013 23:07 - United States - Rancho Palos Verdes

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

agreeclassic 49 108

vote type 1 22 300

By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - 27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

agreeclassic 46 865

vote type 1 3 095