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My Aunt has ALWAYS done something nice for us after a deployment, she is our only family nearby and frequents our home during his absence to make sure I'm still alive when I disappear for days, she used to freak out but now knows she will always find me passed out next to his motorcycle:p(she knows where my spare key is and uses it so much it might as well be hers.) Normally she is waiting outside for us after corresponding with me, but this time she decided to be secretive to try and scare the pants off us (beat her to it) by hiding in the coat closet directly behind the front door and jumping out right as we came in. We did so loudly, crashing into both doors. Said closet has a push button lock on the outer knob, in perfect position.....then of course we got loud and into ourselves, not noticing her calls or knocks. She knows of course how we are after he returns, but her plan just backfired a bit:)

Mind your own business, lady

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 16:47 - United States - Trenton

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 758

You deserved it 9 093

By yeah - 22/06/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 764

You deserved it 27 787

By Anonymous - 04/06/2012 18:21 - United States - Hollandale

Today, I saw a text message on my husband's phone from a "Candice", asking him if he and his wife are still separated, followed by an invitation to spend the night. I never knew we were separated in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 454

You deserved it 2 613

By lspicknall - 12/05/2012 06:41 - United States - Hartland

Today, I got all my wisdom teeth out. Have you ever thrown up after mouth surgery? Stomach acid in your bloody gum holes is just as fun as it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 765

You deserved it 2 207

lspicknall tells us more.

lspicknall 4

Saturday 12 May 2012 23:15

Sorry darling! You really do just fall asleep then you wane up you're done! Just make sure to have ice packs and lots of cold soft foods

By noeducation - 27/08/2009 09:16 - Canada

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 412

You deserved it 3 032

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 17:43 - India

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 407

You deserved it 5 078

By Anonymous - 22/06/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over two years said he wants to get married before he leaves for basic training. Not because he loves me, but because he'll get paid more if he's married. This is the only time he's been excited about marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 843

You deserved it 4 971

By leenibeani4 - 08/03/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 2 481

Awkward

By Jeremy - 07/08/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that I reminded her of her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 455

You deserved it 7 431

By Anonymous - 28/02/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, someone caused over $400 worth of damage by breaking into my car, just to steal $8 worth of beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 139

You deserved it 3 237

By Slash - 16/06/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 106

By Heather - 31/05/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 87

By mr - 27/07/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 781

You deserved it 10 430

By FromNL - 25/03/2011 12:22 - Netherlands

Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 850

You deserved it 6 626

By diggingaplotforone - 11/08/2012 23:47 - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 204

You deserved it 9 592

Romantic

By robinhoood - 12/07/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 188

You deserved it 13 570

By Anonymous - 08/11/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, I took a major test, worth half my grade, not realizing that there were questions on the back of the sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 872

You deserved it 38 652

By peace_lost - 29/06/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 96

By SCREWED - 15/07/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 909

You deserved it 3 908

By busfail - 22/03/2012 18:00 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, while I was on the bus to work, a morbidly obese man sat down next to me. When my stop came and I stood up to get off, he just looked at me, said with a smirk, "good luck with that," and went back to reading his paper. I missed my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 631

You deserved it 2 892

By irwingiggles - 08/02/2015 10:26 - Netherlands

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 845

You deserved it 4 081

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Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 115

You deserved it 9 552

Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 940

You deserved it 2 930

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 532

You deserved it 1 877

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 1 653

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 813

You deserved it 5 893

Today, I caught a man screwing my girlfriend in my house so I lost my temper and hit him right in the jaw. He wasn’t hurt, not even a bruise. I meanwhile have a broken finger and a sprained wrist because, as he put it, “You really don’t know how to throw a punch, like… at all.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 255