The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By ppema - 31/07/2015 18:28 - United States

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 824

You deserved it 2 243

You what now?

By bottlepoppin - 02/03/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, a customer opened with, "You open bottles with them thangs?" I looked around my desk for something he might've confused with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informed me that he was talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 074

You deserved it 3 965

By lbailey32 - 04/02/2014 01:30 - United States - Seneca Falls

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 310

You deserved it 4 473

By cricketsins - 14/05/2015 05:11 - United States

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 592

You deserved it 2 593

Feline stalker

By cat.imakittycat. - 07/04/2015 07:14 - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 194

You deserved it 2 484

By duckwater - 01/03/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 850

You deserved it 4 139

By Josh - 06/03/2015 00:25 - United States - Fenton

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 7 858

Weird simile but OK

By fuck you, bitchcake - 10/11/2013 18:26 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 365

You deserved it 3 790

Thanks!

By rachel - 19/02/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should, "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 808

You deserved it 8 618

By Anonymous - 16/01/2015 01:08 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 941

You deserved it 17 251

Toxic masculinity = No housework

By sigh - 24/11/2011 19:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got upset after I politely asked him to do the laundry. He takes every chance he gets to act macho and brag to people about how he's in the Marines, but apparently he is too much of a pussy to act like a man and clean his own clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 755

You deserved it 6 650

By nyu - 25/01/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 128

You deserved it 24 481

Complexion

By balloonface - 18/02/2016 07:48 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 829

You deserved it 2 330

By davy0540 - 30/11/2014 06:09 - United States

Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 071

You deserved it 9 870

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 224

You deserved it 11 281

By DOGSNACHER - 29/12/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 391

You deserved it 2 541

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 01:31 - United States - Westfield

Today, my older brother called me ugly, and so I used the classic comeback ''It's not nice to talk about yourself like that." He responded by cutting the strings to my violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 303

You deserved it 2 911

Know your place

By genderbender - 17/11/2010 01:21 - Reserved

Today, I went to the new gym I recently signed up for and started exercising in the men-filled weights room, despite being intimidated by them and the strange looks they were giving me. Workout over, I left the room and saw in front of me a door marked, "Women's weights room." Oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 972

You deserved it 27 117

By MyLifeSucksSoHar - 31/10/2015 01:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I discovered that I don't have enough financial aid to continue going to college past this semester. I'm one semester away from graduating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 389

You deserved it 1 927

MyLifeSucksSoHar_fml tells us more.

MyLifeSucksSoHar_fml 9

Tuesday 3 November 2015 0:07

OP here. To further clarify my situation, I'm working two jobs on top of being a full-time student and it's still not enough. The problem is, the government insists that a person with two jobs should have enough to pay for college so they've reduced the amount of money I can get - never mind that since I only have a high school diploma, I can only get minimum wage. Plus, I don't have any credit established - so I can't get any other loans.

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 11:29 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 176

You deserved it 2 573

By innuendom - 22/09/2010 06:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I have a job interview coming up. For the job I'm currently doing and have been for the last nine months. My manager told me not to expect too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 541

You deserved it 2 395

By Where is it coming from?! - 10/06/2014 02:46 - United States - Brightwood

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 006

You deserved it 6 943

By :( - 28/03/2014 20:25 - Sweden - Ume

Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 736

You deserved it 4 829

By drunkard - 13/08/2009 14:16 - Germany

Today, I was at a party with my girlfriend and this older guy came in and started talking to me about his rock climbing lessons earlier that week. I told him "I'm really drunk, so I really couldn't give a shit about what you did." It was my girlfriend's father picking her up to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 056

You deserved it 73 697

obsdwitDBH tells us more.

obsdwitDBH 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 14:47

OP Here! First off, the company ISP is based in Germany, but I'm in the Netherlands. Secondly, I didn't know it was her f*cking dad! This older guy just comes up and is like, "Hi, how are you?" and everything and he starts talking about rock climbing... I mean, come on. First 5 minutes, okay, the dude was busy for what felt like 10, maybe 20 minutes. I couldn't handle it. I went to kiss my girlfriend to tell her goodbye cause I saw her grab her stuff and she says her dad is here to pick her up, and that's when I see her to hug him and realize it's him. Now, that's more than 170 characters, which is all that is allowed.

Rude awakening

By blackcat37 - 28/09/2013 10:53 - United States - Independence

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 630

You deserved it 4 926

By Phoenix0614 - 25/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 444

You deserved it 7 329

By lola1313 - 18/09/2013 02:17 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 556

You deserved it 41 121

By Anonymous - 31/10/2014 10:46 - Australia

Today, my friend thought she would "save me some time" by spoiling Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 943

You deserved it 4 489

By haayloo - 19/10/2010 02:40 - Canada

Today, I had just finished re-completing all my assignments because I had lost my USB last week. I reached into my pocket for gum, instead I found the USB that I had apparently lost. I spent my weekend alone rather than spending time with my friends. I don't have another weekend off for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 297

You deserved it 29 218

By ducklover1 - 19/06/2012 03:31 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I got to see a waterfall up close. Too bad it was in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 678

You deserved it 2 177

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. She told me she wanted to go to the park, so we did. As we were walking back, I was carrying her on my back. When we were almost at the front door, she told me she had to pee. I told her to hold it in for a second. As we were walking through the door, I felt a warm spot on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 592

You deserved it 16 917

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 700

You deserved it 2 657

Today, I swear to Christ, I prefer being at work these days, because when I’m at home if it’s not the kids screaming then it’s my wife moaning about nothing, or the dogs whining and barking, or the neighbour coming round to moan about all the noise. Sometimes wish I was bleeding deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 475

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 363

You deserved it 8 931

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 265

You deserved it 4 698

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 889

You deserved it 7 444