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Kinda awkward that I play the saxophone as my main instrument... Ok story time, so I was sitting there in my Music Theory class just messing around because it was near the end of the period and one of my friends brought this instrument thing called a Jew's Harp or Jaw Harp. They said it plays by vibrating your teeth or something so, not thinking clearly, put it directly against my teeth and pulled the thing back really far and let it loose. I have no clue what I was thinking at the time. Luckily I'll go to the dentist on Monday and get it all nice and pretty again.

By glowstick - 30/06/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my dog ate my little brother's medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 683

You deserved it 8 209

By confidence taken - 23/08/2014 06:26 - United States - Bay Springs

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 045

You deserved it 5 866

The customer is always an ass

By muffins - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Potomac

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 683

You deserved it 4 683

By batgirlrules881 - 07/11/2009 15:26 - United States

Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 120

You deserved it 4 723

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 381

You deserved it 7 160

By Somethingswrongwiththispic - 05/08/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 204

You deserved it 47 009

By NaurLalaith - 10/08/2016 16:26

Today, I bought an iPhone SE, so my mom decided to sell my old iPhone 5 on Craigslist. Since the 5 and SE look exactly the same, she ended up selling my SE instead of the 5 for $100. The buyer refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 041

You deserved it 2 128

We need to talk…

By HeatherRosure18 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Glendale Heights

Today, while at the nail salon, my boyfriend called. Since I was getting my nails done, I had to put him on speaker. The whole salon heard him break up with me. I can still hear their snickering in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 639

You deserved it 7 622

By Anonymous - 06/02/2014 23:07 - United States - San Ramon

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 402

You deserved it 4 211

By LarissaT18 - 02/02/2014 16:13 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 592

You deserved it 7 751

By sabbydutchgirl - 25/08/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I was supposed to be picked up by my date. I haven't got my license yet, so all my dates have to pick me up. He never showed. He also didn't bother to text or call that he wasn't coming. Neither did the five other dates I was supposed to have this summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 655

You deserved it 9 777

sabbydutchgirl tells us more.

sabbydutchgirl 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 3:38

First of all, I am 19. I don't have my license because I have nobody at home who will take me driving. My dad works 3 jobs and my mom doesn't want me to leave and move out. Secondly, my 6 dates are between 2 guys. For the first guy, we'd set a date, he wouldn't show, and then we'd chat and THEN he'd give me some excuse. After 2 missed dates I let 2 months go by and we'd try again. For the second guy, he had legit excuses for missing and understandably explained them to me later. He at least apologized for missing. But still, 6 dates planned this summer and not one of them happened and I was completely in the dark when it came time for them to show up. I take full blame for allowing myself to think that maybe they'd show next time. When trapped at home, any chance to get out is reason for hope, even if its with a jerk. I'm also sorry to disappoint some of you, but I'm neither a HO nor a ****. I'm just a very foolish, lonely person.

Merry Christmas!

By John Nani - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's Christmas Day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 494

You deserved it 29 922

By nekoneko - 07/02/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 020

You deserved it 3 042

By Tired - 02/10/2013 16:22 - United Kingdom - Bexhill

Today, a friend complimented me on my "smoky eyeshadow". I wasn't wearing eye makeup. She was complimenting the result of my insomnia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 631

You deserved it 3 312

Nostradamus

By johnnyfuckfacer - 18/10/2012 19:40 - Canada - Concord

Today, I walked into work, after having given my boss a weather prediction last week, so he could decide on which day to open a new company division. I was immediately taken aside and written up for "providing false information, adversely impacting morale". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 057

You deserved it 2 287

By shockedgirl - 16/01/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 240

You deserved it 2 739

By thechaos - 15/12/2014 22:24 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 630

You deserved it 4 248

By konacoffee17 - 14/12/2014 05:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 703

You deserved it 3 079

By Tag - 24/09/2014 01:19 - Australia

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 210

You deserved it 3 166

By FacePalmPower - 03/10/2015 22:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fed a "random mushroom from the woods" to my rabbit. It then had a violent seizure and died. He claims it must have been from "natural causes". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 081

You deserved it 2 082

FacePalmPower tells us more.

FacePalmPower 12

Sunday 4 October 2015 19:39

Hey OP here! Yes, it was a very stupid move he made, but it WAS an accident! He got the mushroom confused with another which he thought was safe! Although I am very sad, I now have a strict "No feeding the rabbits!" rule! So my other 5 buns should be safe. He was also the rabbit my mother got me before she moved out of state for good so it's even sadder. And no I did not dump him, we've been together for 3 years and although I was pissed for a day or two, I forgave him because I know he wouldn't hurt my rabbits on purpose, he knows they are all like my little children! All of your comments cracked me up though so I'm glad I could get a laugh out of a sad situation. Thanks guys, you rock!