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I'm OP. No, I do not live at home. I haven't lived at home in 5 years. I currently live in a different country and I am in my home country for the holidays. I preemptively tell my parents where I go because they tend to ask that question when I leave the house. It might be the fact that I am female, but I don't really know for certain.

Waste of time

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 01:55 - United States - Palm City

Today, at around 11 p.m., the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 299

You deserved it 1 627

By thatsnice - 09/12/2014 21:19 - United States - Warwick

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 115

You deserved it 4 292

By shopper242 - 22/11/2010 12:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 950

You deserved it 4 106

By looke27 - 13/11/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 327

You deserved it 37 631

By Coolios - 24/06/2013 14:16 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 898

You deserved it 3 905

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 784

You deserved it 4 702

By WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 764

You deserved it 5 887

By anon_1996 - 08/05/2013 16:59 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 777

You deserved it 16 178

By fuckmyjob - 19/06/2014 20:10 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 023

You deserved it 10 182

Yaaaaaay!

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 667

You deserved it 4 544

By Order of the Dangling Testicles - 28/01/2014 20:28 - United States - Astoria

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 138

You deserved it 4 336

By cjk004 - 15/02/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 780

You deserved it 6 635

Ed Shitren

By tommy - 20/12/2011 22:41 - United States

Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 038

You deserved it 5 610

TMI

By Ceej - 28/10/2012 04:06 - United States - Grand Haven

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 959

You deserved it 7 088

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 487

You deserved it 3 775

Love is love, dude

By lonelyengineer - 19/12/2010 10:28 - Germany

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 038

You deserved it 32 218

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 215

You deserved it 37 075

What a Q-tip

By Anonymous - 25/06/2013 16:21 - United States - Flowery Branch

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 570

You deserved it 6 503

By Bella0304 - 06/09/2014 18:02 - Canada - Boucherville

Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 599

You deserved it 4 182

Bella0304 tells us more.

Bella0304 4

Sunday 7 September 2014 5:14

Hi, OP here..for those of you wondering I'm 16 years old and my mom doesn't want to get rid of Buffy (my cat) and honestly neither do I! My mom keeps saying shed rather get rid of me instead of the cat..lol I know she's probably joking and she loves me...but never get in between a woman and her cat!

By SorrySnowWhite - 21/11/2016 20:13 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I yelled at a new employee for violating the company's makeup policy which is minimum coverage. She had red lipstick, very dark drawn eyebrows, and foundation that made her look like a ghost. She took out a makeup wipe and used it then showed me it, only to reveal she doesn't wear any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 928

You deserved it 15 162

By leadwriteafw - 03/11/2016 18:35 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was diagnosed with chronic vomiting. I've gone to 7 doctors and tried 13 different medicines, with none of them working. I've gone to therapy and taken up yoga with no change. So apparently, throwing up daily at random times is the new normal for me. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 770

You deserved it 1 214

leadwriteafw tells us more.

leadwriteafw 12

Friday 4 November 2016 16:35

Hey y'all OP here- I wasn't really expecting for this to get published! Just here to answer a few questions. First off, this obviously didn't just start happening today, it been an ongoing issue since February-- that's just how FML works. Secondly, I'm 17 years old which means I've been experiencing this all while in high school, which has been SUPER fun. But yes, I've had an MRI, several sonograms, lots of blood work taken and tested, and I took a very intense allergy test. The only thing all of that revealed was that I had a minor milk allergy. So I've completely cut out all milk (which FYI, you'd be surprised at how many things have milk in them), with still no change. I've tried several medications, some of which have provided their own not-so-fun side effects. But at this point I'm just trying to treat it with vitamins and by lowering my stress levels. All my friends and family know about, so I always carry a barf bag and tooth brush with me. Hopefully it will go away on its own, because it's really not as fun as it sounds. Thanks for your kind comments and helpful suggestions though!!

By crapgirl - 18/04/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 136

You deserved it 3 766

By freakingout - 02/09/2015 21:10 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump, she turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 966

You deserved it 1 619

freakingout tells us more.

freakingout 10

Thursday 3 September 2015 20:57

OP here, wow didn't expect it to make it on here ? Well so far no change, she even asked me are you sure it's not part of you, like how often does anybody know themselves there. What? I know myself very well there and it's not normal. Got an appointment with the gyno for next week so should be all good :) thought it was suspicious I got an appointment within half hour of ringing...