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By Sadfaic - 23/01/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 676

You deserved it 2 154

By rejected - 29/01/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 750

You deserved it 4 980

Bailed out

By poorchild - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 757

You deserved it 3 028

By StefanKa - 09/09/2013 09:30 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 626

You deserved it 3 902

StefanKa tells us more.

StefanKa 23

Monday 9 September 2013 19:32

OP here, I know that and I let them out all the time but I just didnt expect to find shit between the wall and the cage, where none of them can enter.

By Spooderman - 04/02/2016 02:04 - United States

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 836

You deserved it 2 487

By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 19:12 - United States - Watonga

Today, I was feeling terrible and posted on Facebook about how I was stressed out and feeling really lonely. My sister replied saying "#fatfuckproblems". 13 people liked it and some so-called friends posted stuff like "rekt" and "SLAYED, bitch!", all in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 517

You deserved it 4 625

Catfished

By phonesage - 13/12/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 728

You deserved it 10 463

Food for thought

By datgurllllukno - 15/10/2014 06:26 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 273

You deserved it 5 999

By silent one - 12/09/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 292

You deserved it 3 034

Wurdz

By onefishtwofishes - 23/05/2013 20:15 - United States - Washington

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 963

You deserved it 4 472

By Sheh - 16/07/2014 15:02 - Sweden

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 475

You deserved it 9 360

Sheh_fml tells us more.

Sheh_fml 25

Wednesday 16 July 2014 20:38

The bag of rice didn't have any handle, so I held it kinda resting against my torso, just like when holding my cat. I guess it has just become a habit. Loving all the puns :)

By Uncomfortable - 17/05/2013 07:21

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 813

You deserved it 5 328

By fstfckd - 07/06/2014 19:16 - United States

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 844

You deserved it 15 134

Smurf mouth

By shoeaddiikt - 07/10/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 259

You deserved it 42 488

By not_this_shit_again - 09/04/2014 12:37 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 015

You deserved it 3 602

Sob story

By marisacb - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 612

You deserved it 7 839

By kbartlett86 - 24/06/2010 20:02 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 544

You deserved it 4 623

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 07:28 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 545

You deserved it 10 225

By ballplaya52 - 08/12/2013 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 387

You deserved it 47 885

ballplaya52 tells us more.

ballplaya52 10

Monday 9 December 2013 14:27

Hey all! OP here. I just a wanted to clear a few things up. I know the wording may have been confusing and given you all the wrong image. When I said that she'd embarrass me by singing in public, I literally meant singing. To me. About me. In public. Loudly. Like not even a real song. But when I read over it when it got published, it sounded to me like people could interpret it like she would sing karaoke or something. Anyways it only lasted a minute or so so it wasn't that bad, but we did get some stares. And for those comments saying to live a little, I don't sing or dance in public as a personal rule because I'm not any good at either. Anyways thanks to the moderators for publishing this and I will see you guys around on this awesome website :)

By fml_for_real - 04/02/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 292

You deserved it 6 931