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Flying high

By jkim - 08/09/2014 17:56 - United States - San Diego

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 826

You deserved it 3 958

Side effects

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 18:41 - United States - Barrington

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 980

You deserved it 5 685

By gj09 - 22/11/2009 20:03 - United States

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 757

You deserved it 2 604

Easy mistake

By NoFightResponse - 24/04/2009 03:53 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 267

You deserved it 7 151

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 20:22 - Spain - Valencia

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 311

You deserved it 9 393

By thepigeonsfriend - 07/05/2012 14:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 026

You deserved it 5 948

By Anonymous - 06/04/2014 18:09 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 267

You deserved it 5 723

By theboywithlonghair - 09/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 013

You deserved it 6 902

Next time, I'll just ignore you

By stoopidRUnner - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 315

You deserved it 13 689

By anon - 27/12/2013 07:28 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 202

You deserved it 3 861

Inappropriate but funny

By naughtyshirt - 22/08/2009 09:29 - Australia

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 874

You deserved it 4 511

By anon - 27/03/2015 20:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 951

You deserved it 4 788

By Hahaha - 29/01/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 734

You deserved it 40 317

By Mr_snuggels - 24/12/2014 20:05 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 365

You deserved it 5 481

Mr_snuggels tells us more.

Mr_snuggels 16

Friday 26 December 2014 4:41

Hello, OP here. I've notice quite a few comments similar to this. So, I'll set the record straight on why my cat is "bigger", instead of assuming I'm a bad "cat parent". My cat has a metabolism disorder... Which means he doesn't have the same working digestive system as a regular cat. Which was caused by genetics from his mother, who was also an obese cat that also had a metabolism disorder as well. He was always a bigger cat. But now as he's getting older I've noticed his size increasing. I have talked to the vet about this. Since, Micky (my cat) is in good health, she just suggested to slowly make my indoor cat an outdoor cat, to try to make Micky more active in his daily routine, we also made changes into his diet. Every Time I let Micky outside I watch him, since he is not originally an outdoor cat. Therefore, it was a coincidence that Micky was feeling very adventurous as was trying to climb the fence, pooped himself, and fell in it. I agree, **** the cats life... But, guess who had to clean the mess?

By CP19JK12KH - 03/01/2010 09:56 - United States

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 941

You deserved it 4 022

By Anonymous - 07/11/2014 08:03 - Australia

Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 763

You deserved it 3 770

By Dumped - 22/12/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 141

You deserved it 11 687

By Anonymous - 17/10/2014 01:10 - United States - Dayton

Spicy

Today, I never really thought that my boyfriend and brother having the same name was too weird. Until I called out his name during climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 720

You deserved it 6 086

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 8 070

By jayden5 - 15/05/2009 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting next to this really cute guy in choir class. Trying to make conversation, I asked him what his favorite song was. He replied "Leave Me Alone". I asked him who it was by and he said, "It's not a song, I just want you to leave me alone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 365

You deserved it 9 293

By Thanks a lot - 23/10/2015 01:27 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 402

You deserved it 2 016

By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - 11/11/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 937

You deserved it 3 926

Tech support

By Tiak - 30/03/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 253

You deserved it 16 755

Ironic

By happy21sttome - 15/06/2015 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, after five years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to six angry texts about how I'm "selfish" for not staying at home with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 415

You deserved it 2 424

By queenbitch - 20/04/2015 01:39 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 881

You deserved it 30 728

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's house party. She got incredibly drunk and I spent the whole night looking after her when she was throwing up. In the brief moment before she passed out she said "thanks Matt, you're a great boyfriend." Matt is her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 480

You deserved it 6 047

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 20:47 - Canada

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 233

You deserved it 8 425

By sadparty - 06/11/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 154

You deserved it 7 535

By cjd - 23/03/2012 14:23 - Canada - Montreal

Today, in health class we were watching a documentary about anxiety. My teacher asked if any of us often feel anxious. I was too anxious to raise my hand, and went into a minor panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 467

You deserved it 4 824

By xtammyle - 19/02/2013 07:01 - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 609

You deserved it 4 513

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The Top

Today, I emailed 10 parents inviting them to my son's birthday party. All 10 emailed back saying their kids had to get a cavity filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 401

You deserved it 3 902

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 946

You deserved it 5 412

Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 344

You deserved it 821

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 405

You deserved it 24 388

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 039

You deserved it 3 549

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 656

You deserved it 9 143