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This is my FML. YES, she is extremely blonde and believe it or not, a straight A student. I have never noticed she said it that way before until she had it written down. I've never caught it because we usually say "Book Bag". Her older brother finally convinced her through mockery and laughter.

By ac32 - 11/04/2011 16:05 - Canada

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 348

You deserved it 9 721

By blargh - 03/10/2013 17:39 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 097

You deserved it 4 057

Erm… what?

By UrbanCass - 25/06/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control, because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 494

You deserved it 77 027

By nail714 - 25/06/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 206

You deserved it 73 591

Overreacting a tad

By phonnah - 20/06/2012 17:59 - United States - Bowie

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 401

You deserved it 3 235

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 882

You deserved it 15 393

Cute but… TMI

By heytherexo - 05/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my 3 year-old son came to the bathroom and put on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterwards, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 961

You deserved it 93 530

Judge not lest you be judged, my friend

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 041

You deserved it 19 997

Narcissism

By during - 19/05/2010 12:12 - United States

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 485

You deserved it 7 341

Straight to jail

By breathalizard - 02/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 386

You deserved it 300 417

By wiona - 04/04/2014 20:53 - United States - Willimantic

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 213

You deserved it 4 716

wiona tells us more.

wiona 2

Friday 4 April 2014 17:34

OP here. I couldn't figure out how to respond without making an account, so I made one in order to reply to a couple of people. First, thanks to all the people who expressed concern. To the people who said YDI, I say screw you, because I did nothing to provoke this asshole. Yeah, I'm underage. I don't look underage, but I definitely am, braces and everything. My mom's boyfriend is yet another guy who's a worthless piece of shit, she has no taste when it comes to men. I talked to her about him after he left and she rolled her eyes and said it was "a joke". Which apparently I didn't get, because I'm "uptight". Moving in with my dad isn't an option, he's on the other side of the country and really can't handle having another person living with him right now. I do miss him, but frankly he's not a whole lot of help, my parents hate each other and while my father means well he's more irresponsible than my mom. I'm hoping my mother will ditch this guy once she gets bored with him, like she has all the other times. This type of boyfriend is nothing new, this is just the first time one of them has gotten somewhat physical with me. Yes, it creeped me out, yes, he's a disgusting human being, and yes, I have a lock on my bedroom door. This is not the first time I've locked myself in my room when my mom has brought home a guy. It's happened before, and will likely keep happening until I move out. Thanks again to the people who expressed sympathy and concern. Just thought you guys ought to have a bit of context.

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 20:27 - United States - Wales

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 206

You deserved it 24 251