Don't Touch My Fries By FML Approved - 22/10/2017 04:00 These aren't beetles... This is Sparta! I agree, your life sucks 472 You deserved it 124 Share Tweet Share
Today, I have come to accept that my girlfriend has such obvious daddy issues that I can only turn her on by dressing/acting/sounding like him, but not too obviously because if she realises that’s what I’m doing, she screams, “I do not want to have sex with my dad!” then starts crying. FML I agree, your life sucks 674 You deserved it 192
Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML I agree, your life sucks 28 067 You deserved it 2 275
Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML I agree, your life sucks 794 You deserved it 216
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML I agree, your life sucks 511 You deserved it 57
Today, during foreplay, my husband asked if I found him sexually attractive. When I asked him back, after a yes, he was silent for two minutes then went into a ten-minute philosophical discussion on the nature of attractiveness. He would find me more attractive if I wasn't his wife. FML I agree, your life sucks 3 718 You deserved it 332
Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 12 066 You deserved it 4 887