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By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 16:36 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my "best friend" stole almost $1,000 worth of electronics and video games from my roommates and me, just so he could pawn them off and buy himself a new car stereo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 695

You deserved it 3 239

By sommmerrrr - 15/09/2013 04:12 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was at Walmart with my stepmom. We were about to check out when a little sweet-looking old woman came up and asked if she could get in front of us. Seeing as she only had two items in her hands we said yes. Her husband then came up with two carts full of stuff, condoms on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 801

You deserved it 6 032

sommmerrrr tells us more.

sommmerrrr 2

Sunday 15 September 2013 17:42

I didn't think this would be posted so fast! But thanks for all the comments, they made my stepmom and me laugh our butts off. But we just went into a different line. Wasn't that big of a deal. But the granny didn't even say thank you! It was a little awkward seeing as they were so old but we still let that grandpa get in front of us. But thanks again for the comments guys!

By forever damaged - 21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 733

You deserved it 1 656

Grown ups in the room

By Tragics - 11/11/2009 18:53 - Canada

Today, my date sent me a text saying, "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we." She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year-olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 552

You deserved it 3 432

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, at work, an old lady came through my line to buy some groceries. She told me she lost her purse and was a little short. It was busy, so I pulled out my little purse and gave her the money she needed. A few minutes later she returned with my boss, insisting that my purse was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 811

You deserved it 3 277

Traumatized

By Anon - 31/10/2009 11:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I invited my very animal-phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved, so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 742

You deserved it 12 215

Caught

By Anonymous - 14/08/2015 10:57 - Ukraine - Donetsk

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 697

You deserved it 1 950

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 06:32 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed "Oh my god!" for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a TV into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 511

You deserved it 13 750

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 28/03/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 665

You deserved it 5 375

By simonjudy - 14/05/2011 20:09 - United Kingdom

Today, my sister and I both got "good luck" cards from our aunt, wishing us well on our exams. My sister's said, "We know you will do well." Mine said, "We will love you no matter what happens." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 176

You deserved it 5 097

By anonymous - 13/01/2014 01:40 - United States - Upper Darby

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 142

You deserved it 44 303

Communication breakdown

By xX_nsn_Xx - 03/02/2012 14:47 - United States

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 674

You deserved it 10 036

By PeepShow - 06/08/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 289

You deserved it 47 105

Mind your own business, lady

By walkingonsunshine - 22/01/2010 00:14 - France

Today, my long-term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course, he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy, I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way too old for him. I'm three years younger than my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 981

You deserved it 2 719

Panic mode engaged

By Kit - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 737

You deserved it 6 023

Childish but effective

By unhappy wifey - 28/09/2012 06:09 - United States - Portland

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 455

You deserved it 4 028

By Pissed - 21/09/2012 23:20 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 587

You deserved it 2 896

By kansah - 06/10/2011 10:11 - Australia

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 007

You deserved it 3 689

kansah tells us more.

kansah 25

Wednesday 12 October 2011 12:52

I am just going to make it clear, if the covers were decent I would be able to tolerate them and give my mum credit for having such excellent taste in music, however the covers are utterly horrible.

By girlwithaprob - 13/11/2010 21:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was the only girl he'd ever text, call, or flirt with again. Later on he told two other girls exactly the same thing on Facebook, not realizing that everybody can read wall messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 851

You deserved it 3 749