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By Lorus - 23/08/2011 07:30 - United States

Today, I passed a kidney stone. This is the third one in two years. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 837

You deserved it 5 486

By morgan_love11 - 05/06/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "Volcano Face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 372

You deserved it 4 841

Busted

By Extended_desktop - 11/09/2011 17:53 - Poland

Spicy

Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 575

You deserved it 66 032

By xkellybabyyx - 25/11/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 912

You deserved it 40 678

By bettercallpeta - 15/02/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 107

You deserved it 11 158

By desperate - 05/10/2012 09:47 - Malta - Paola

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 056

You deserved it 5 047

Oh, hai Mark

By Jenn - 03/07/2013 02:39 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 375

You deserved it 5 816

By Emily - 21/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 741

You deserved it 42 698

By fartwoman - 23/06/2010 01:41 - United States

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 144

You deserved it 62 922

By LondonKitsch - 26/06/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 853

You deserved it 29 781

By Username - 15/05/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 479

You deserved it 18 101

Wrong 'un

By TheBeautifulOne - 23/08/2012 13:42 - United Kingdom - Ayr

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 113

You deserved it 82 210

By Crumpet - 25/06/2010 07:08 - Canada

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 044

You deserved it 5 300

By Ash - 27/05/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 505

You deserved it 88 664

By kekeroos - 20/05/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 107

You deserved it 3 261

kekeroos tells us more.

kekeroos 2

Friday 20 May 2011 19:54

While it is a public system and I'm bound to encounter plenty of 'weird' people, I would still never expect a 50 something year old professional woman to be picking at her scalp and then eating whatever it is she picks out. And while none of her pickings ended up on me, one good head shake would have changed that very quickly. It would have been Christmas in my lap in May!

By emopoe - 06/09/2011 15:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me know that when we met, he wouldn't have even talked to me if I was as fat as I am now. But lucky for me, he stays with me because, "there's love or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 983

You deserved it 13 017

Taking it too far

By wolf boy - 10/07/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, I went to the park with a girl I like. She got playful and climbed a tree, insisting I come up too. While we were sitting and enjoying the view, she suddenly knocked me off the branch, sending me crashing to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 520

You deserved it 6 162

JESUS CHRIST!

By rubmytummy - 10/06/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was helping my church clean up a park. I was given a sledgehammer and told to break up a concrete picnic table so we could haul it off. About halfway through, I swung the sledgehammer REALLY hard, completely missed the table, and hit myself in the shin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 829

You deserved it 23 359

By jab43 - 23/07/2011 00:57 - United States

Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 077

You deserved it 5 025

By notthedad - 15/03/2011 15:50 - China

Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 515

You deserved it 5 647

By Michelle - 27/12/2009 07:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 607

You deserved it 4 790

By Derek Lee - 22/05/2011 13:53 - United States

Today, I sold my Xbox 360 on Craigslist. I met the dude at the mall. I gave him my Xbox and a handshake for buying. I left without the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 870

You deserved it 70 393

By coolhand - 29/08/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 522

You deserved it 67 503

By Rehab - 11/02/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I was looking through my computer's history to find a website I had visited. I found an online forum where my son was discussing how to inject Oxycontin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 411

You deserved it 3 735

By nemo518 - 23/12/2010 06:36 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 177

You deserved it 9 460

By Anonymous - 16/06/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 680

You deserved it 11 468

Scheißleben

By LearnGeographyUSA - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Kirkland

Today, and for the past 13 months, I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 134

You deserved it 2 977

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 07:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 82

Shut up

By anon - 04/05/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended, he loudly complained to his friends about the 'annoying girl' sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 770

You deserved it 105 131

Keeping it in the family

By Drew - 05/08/2010 05:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair… with her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 720

You deserved it 4 354

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Today, I confronted my mother because I lock my bedroom door everytime I leave the house, then when I came home, the door was open and ajar. She got really defensive and said it's because she and her boyfriend want to make passionate whoopie on my king-size bed because it's bigger than her full-size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 138

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 029

You deserved it 5 922

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 871

You deserved it 2 945

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to give her my phone's passcode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 187

Today, my boyfriend decided he preferred his other girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 533

You deserved it 756

Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 110

You deserved it 41 847