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By anonymous - 22/11/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

agreeclassic 48 702

vote type 1 2 996

By lolu - 10/10/2010 21:45 - United States

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

agreeclassic 31 754

vote type 1 6 305

Stalker vibes

By porkieworkie - 21/04/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, after getting off the phone with a girl I'm interested in, I parked on campus and ate my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

agreeclassic 58 764

vote type 1 9 290

By MotherNatureMustDie - 27/10/2009 12:32 - South Africa

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

agreeclassic 14 998

vote type 1 38 602

By Sara246 - 19/08/2010 23:11 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he asked which girl I'd found out about. FML

agreeclassic 42 766

vote type 1 3 686

By flipflop - 07/06/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

agreeclassic 44 334

vote type 1 7 445

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

agreeclassic 22 544

vote type 1 57 333

By what even - 14/05/2015 22:17 - United States - Athens

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

agreeclassic 33 642

vote type 1 4 857

By Noname - 20/02/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

agreeclassic 51 200

vote type 1 25 132

By IntimidatorStag - 06/02/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

agreeclassic 26 350

vote type 1 30 586

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 05:57 - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 50 547

vote type 1 3 377

We meet again

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great… we graduated high school together. FML

agreeclassic 50 761

vote type 1 3 768

By 2dumb2drive - 12/02/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I thought it would be fun to drive into a stack of some empty cardboard boxes on my street. They weren't empty. FML

agreeclassic 8 124

vote type 1 57 491

Honest mistake

By YahItsMe94 - 25/06/2009 07:20 - United States

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

agreeclassic 13 866

vote type 1 61 962

Hummmmm

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 16:11 - United States - Spokane

Spicy

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

agreeclassic 56 171

vote type 1 10 546

By iskiel - 26/10/2014 05:53 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML

agreeclassic 38 303

vote type 1 2 669

LEAVE ME ALONE

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 21:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating, even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

agreeclassic 28 595

vote type 1 2 041

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 23:01 - United States - El Paso

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

agreeclassic 20 537

vote type 1 48 303

By ragass_mctree - 29/09/2010 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I passed out at a party after having a few too many, as one does. I woke up with swastikas and penises drawn on my face with permanent marker. I now have to go home, using public transport, to my prudish, Jewish dad who thought I was at my friend's house for a sleepover with no alcohol. FML

agreeclassic 11 051

vote type 1 49 281

ragass_mctree app_comment_confession_title

ragass_mctree 3

Saturday 2 October 2010 18:49

dude im young, sensible and i hardly ever drink. it was my best friend's birthday party and she's leaving the country in a couple of weeks. i couldnt stand the pain of dealing with her not being here anymore so, and i agree it was stupid, drank on an empty stomach but accidentaly drank too much. dont lecture me if u dont know shit about what the situation was please

By Stupid - 22/04/2013 06:58 - United States - Post Falls

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

agreeclassic 74 130

vote type 1 5 257

By julian1 - 19/08/2015 11:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

agreeclassic 19 074

vote type 1 10 571

By semokco - 14/05/2015 18:59 - United States - Seminole

Spicy

Today, I found out my wife confided in a coworker that she wants to sleep with him, because our marriage is loveless and sexless. News to me. FML

agreeclassic 35 568

vote type 1 3 483

semokco app_comment_confession_title

semokco 0

Friday 15 May 2015 17:31

Howdy! Op here. So nice of all of you that assume that I'm not doing my part. Let me say: I am. Our marriage is not sexless, I do express and have expressed my love in creative and whole ways. Our marriage is not "sexless"- there is a possible pregnancy, ATM.

Thanks!

By blegh - 01/04/2011 02:42 - United States

Today, I fell going down the stairs to the subway platform during rush hour. Someone was kind enough to help me up and someone else was kind enough to steal my iPhone which had fallen out of my pocket and landed nearby. FML

agreeclassic 37 308

vote type 1 3 856

By stitchesgirl12 - 07/04/2015 16:03 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML

agreeclassic 37 165

vote type 1 3 545

stitchesgirl12 app_comment_confession_title

stitchesgirl12 10

Wednesday 8 April 2015 18:40

OP here! No, my stitches weren't anywhere near my butt, I have a bunch on my arm. And, well.. the doctor sewed me up really tight, and I legitimately ripped them while pushing. Lmao. Not my finest moment, but definitely FML worthy. The doctors in the Niagara Region were half asleep over the Easter weekend, my sewed up wound actually looks like a ******.

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

agreeclassic 17 292

vote type 1 45 066

By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 22:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML

agreeclassic 48 458

vote type 1 3 393

Help yourself

By hate enough to kill... - 14/10/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Stevensweert

Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

agreeclassic 29 556

vote type 1 2 019

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 19:41 - United States

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

agreeclassic 32 273

vote type 1 4 365

By pimpdaddyX - 22/09/2012 16:22 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

agreeclassic 12 179

vote type 1 19 968

Disney dreams

By onthetoilet - 04/01/2010 22:20 - France

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from Splash Mountain. FML

agreeclassic 34 593

vote type 1 3 328

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, Christmas is around the corner. I ordered my mom's gift in August to avoid Christmas shopping madness and hid it so she wouldn't find it. Now I can't find it either. FML

agreeclassic 4 115

vote type 1 1 420

Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML

agreeclassic 31 834

vote type 1 5 943

Today, wanting to get revenge at my ex for and the woman he cheated on me with, I invaded their wedding during the ceremony and objected to their marriage, laying out all the facts about how they started their nasty relationship built on betrayal. I was thrown out by security as they laughed at me. FML

agreeclassic 157

vote type 1 1 878

Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML

agreeclassic 42 216

vote type 1 7 833

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

agreeclassic 16 395

vote type 1 53 453

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

agreeclassic 10 826

vote type 1 1 390