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By Ryanissaur - 19/10/2009 05:34 - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 577

You deserved it 3 035

By Lozza111 - 28/08/2010 05:14 - New Zealand

Today, I superglued my headphones back together. They weren't dry before I put them back in my ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 959

You deserved it 53 581

Lozza111 tells us more.

Lozza111 0

Sunday 29 August 2010 1:10

well all the other headphones that I have broke in like the first week and those ones had lasted 2 years so I wanted to keep them, plus, it's old superglue and I had let them dry for a couple of hours, although that doesn't mean I wasn't stupid to put them in my ears without checking. they didn't actually get stuck in there, it was just sticky and gross, the FML was that I was dumb enough to stick them in my ears without checking. =P

By ari - 17/06/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 659

You deserved it 3 027

By Anonymous - 22/04/2014 15:26 - Canada - Sackville

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 840

You deserved it 3 640

By Anonymous - 05/04/2014 15:27 - United States - Iola

Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 348

You deserved it 5 506

By PeeLeg - 11/03/2013 07:43

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 548

You deserved it 51 169

Misconstrued

By heyadrian - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Gardena

Today, I went to a family reunion. I laughed at my uncle's Sylvester Stallone impression. Turns out he had a stroke a while back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 917

You deserved it 16 774

heyadrian tells us more.

heyadrian 2

Thursday 20 February 2014 20:20

OP here. we didn't know my uncle that well he was one of the family members that dropped off the face of the earth. I came in at the wrong time when people were laughing so I thought he was doing an impression this is both a FML and a YDI

By DaisyMay - 04/04/2011 19:47 - United States

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 384

You deserved it 5 204

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 703

You deserved it 8 738

Thanks!

By Tyler - 19/11/2011 07:58 - United States

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 814

You deserved it 3 088

By Mrs. Terrified - 23/10/2011 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 233

You deserved it 4 514

By anoymus - 31/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 966

You deserved it 3 283

Bad vibes

By Epiphany - 19/07/2012 09:01 - United States

Today, I finally realized how depressed I am when I found bubble wrap and didn't feel like popping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 127

You deserved it 3 039

Glassed

By Rick - 01/07/2011 08:31 - United States

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 668

You deserved it 2 508

By rachaaaaeul - 06/08/2010 07:07 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 089

You deserved it 4 025

By Anonymous - 20/02/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 876

You deserved it 5 022

By laydeegaga - 07/03/2010 08:13

Today, my mom cleaned my room, while doing so she found a very detailed sex book I got from an ex boyfriend as a "gift". For years I had her convinced I was still a virgin, until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 421

You deserved it 28 975

By Whatswrongwithme? - 03/11/2013 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 806

You deserved it 5 730

GHOSTS!

By fml_anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 452

You deserved it 4 428

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 742

You deserved it 13 584

By unknown - 31/01/2010 06:54 - France

Today, my girlfriend and I were in my basement. I play drums and guitar very well. My girlfriend bet me $50 that she could play better than me. I made the bet, but what I didn't know was that she had been taking both drum and guitar lessons since she was 5. I just lost $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 587

You deserved it 46 284

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 973

You deserved it 6 547

By Japaroni - 15/09/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 940

You deserved it 9 369

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 13:48 - Canada - Bolton

Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 770

You deserved it 5 816

By Anonymous - 09/08/2011 12:55 - United States

Today, I held an open house. Not wanting anything to be stolen I loaded up all valuables in my car (money, prescriptions, computer, iPod, etc) and went out. My car got stolen. Nobody came to the open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 303

You deserved it 12 457

By Username - 02/08/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 486

You deserved it 5 311

By montextes - 25/07/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, my mom finally learned how to text. Now it's her way of communicating, even when we're in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 291

You deserved it 3 959

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, my boss reached over and yanked up my shirt right above my breasts while she said, "I'm all for flaunting it if you've got it, but don't reveal that much cleavage, there are dirty old men that work here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 809

You deserved it 41 338

By jack - 27/08/2015 10:56 - United Kingdom - London

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 183

You deserved it 2 430

Late night customers are the worst

By viviham - 04/05/2012 12:08 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 905

You deserved it 2 351

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The Top

Today, they've been building a house next door. I went to wash and wax my car, and I was back home for only 10 minutes before a Bobcat digger backed into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 68

Today, and for a while, I’ve noticed one of my closest friends getting a little to friendly with my boyfriend. Maybe I’m just reading too far into it, but then again maybe I’m not? I really want to be wrong about this and I’m pretty sure he would never hurt me, but I’m scared something’s going on that I don’t know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 295

Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 709

Today, I was getting food at a buffet. Suddenly, my mom appeared and started screaming at a guy for pushing me. I wasn't pushed by anyone, I just tripped over nothing. The poor guy looked so confused and embarrassed, and my mom wouldn't let me defend him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 103

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 172

You deserved it 3 853

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 218

You deserved it 236