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By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 03:39 - United States

Today, my cousin got hired after six days of job-hunting. I graduated from university six months ago and haven't even scored a single interview; he's a deadbeat junkie who just got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 910

You deserved it 2 865

By BBeffedmylife - 14/06/2014 14:18 - United States - Morganville

Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 596

You deserved it 7 929

BBeffedmylife tells us more.

BBeffedmylife 28

Saturday 14 June 2014 20:52

OP here! Stoked that this got published! A couple of things... This actually happened last year. I had just had my daughter a couple months prior. For those of you who have never had children, it takes awhile to be comfortable with your body after being pregnant and giving birth to baby. Also, for those of you wondering, I am actually a married woman. Married women can still find someone attractive without wanting to get in their pants. I was mostly just flattered that someone was actually taking notice in me after feeling so huge and unattractive for the past year. Thank you so much for the positive comments!! A lot of you made me smile and laugh!

Perfect?

By NeverGonnaGetAny - 23/02/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 812

You deserved it 24 070

This ol' truck

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, while driving, I realized I had left my phone on top of my car when I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look for it. I found it in the middle of the street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to my car, I noticed I had locked my door, and the keys were in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 150

You deserved it 38 653

By me - 07/03/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 955

You deserved it 3 900

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 22:41 - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 802

You deserved it 7 730

By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 354

You deserved it 12 694

By s3xygrandpa - 06/11/2013 19:09 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 767

You deserved it 5 131

By fail - 16/01/2011 01:50 - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 360

You deserved it 4 141

Sneaky

By Suckered - 04/12/2015 21:47 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university two years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 738

You deserved it 4 745

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 12:28 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 401

You deserved it 7 099

Stones in glass houses

By alynna007 - 02/01/2013 10:31 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 398

You deserved it 2 333

By bcca - 13/02/2012 14:22 - United States

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 201

You deserved it 6 348

By jackgrant - 07/12/2011 01:01 - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 394

You deserved it 4 067

By DrugsRX - 17/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Winder

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 218

You deserved it 3 886

By camille - 29/10/2011 13:40 - United States

Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down the stairs, tripped, fell, and limped over to my dad only to find that he wanted me to see a video of someone playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the ukulele. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 394

You deserved it 3 199

By fmlfmlfml - 11/10/2011 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 865

You deserved it 8 703

Backfire

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 20:10 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 177

You deserved it 54 801

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 464

You deserved it 6 047

Added spice

By hungry - 06/04/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some Cheez-Its I had in my room. After I'd enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 580

You deserved it 16 952

By girlgirlinsanity - 25/07/2010 11:09 - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 590

You deserved it 5 790

By OhNo - 02/03/2013 13:31 - United States - Castlewood

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 861

You deserved it 5 952

By Jaxur05 - 28/02/2012 13:27 - United States

Today, I get to stand in the unemployment line for the second time in a year because my company can't pay me. My parents own the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 172

You deserved it 3 193

By reginaphalange - 27/05/2010 14:06 - Australia

Today, I found out that my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. I had just finished planning a surprise party for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 872

You deserved it 3 337

By boring - 10/05/2010 10:14 - New Zealand

Today, I fell asleep and dreamed that I had won $500,000. In my dream, I used this money to buy a new MP3 Player, and then put the rest in a term deposit. Even in my dreams, I'm the most boring person I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 754

You deserved it 7 975

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the Oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 020

You deserved it 46 212

By Anonymous - 25/03/2011 03:36 - United States

Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 712

You deserved it 9 739

By bigbum - 04/11/2012 09:50 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. It would have been great if he weren't drunk with a naked girl next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 179

You deserved it 2 397

By NoThanksGrandma - 20/11/2011 07:37

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 335

You deserved it 4 154

Cringe

By iamshrimpy - 08/01/2010 06:24 - Canada

Today, I logged onto Facebook to a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 110

You deserved it 6 040

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The Top

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 862

You deserved it 65 752

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 165

You deserved it 2 810

Today, I came in to what was already going to be a long day at work. All of my coworkers no-showed. With them, it probably would've taken about 5-6 hours to get all my work done and go. It took ten hours. My feet hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 115

Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 957

You deserved it 5 360

Today, the only way my newborn sleeps is if I dance around with him strapped to me. Six hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 946

You deserved it 496

Today, the month-long muscle spasms that have been shoving my hips out of joint went to a new low. My whole body feels like I have the flu, with muscle aches and tension. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome does not mix well with PMDD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 106