The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By whaleninjapoop - 06/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 635

You deserved it 6 021

By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 20:24

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 025

You deserved it 2 231

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 21:49 - Australia

Today, my cat vomited violently. I can smell it but I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 361

You deserved it 3 436

By Anonymous - 24/07/2009 10:01 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 083

You deserved it 4 692

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 01:17 - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after two years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 596

You deserved it 27 966

By ohdear - 03/01/2010 18:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed my drunk grandmother attempting the Single Ladies dance, complete with hip gyrations and ass slapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 846

You deserved it 3 691

By ohwell - 24/11/2014 13:44 - Sweden - Tullinge

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 962

You deserved it 3 310

By mainlaw - 04/12/2009 17:33 - Ireland

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 001

You deserved it 47 325

By no boobies - 29/05/2013 16:39 - United States

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 768

You deserved it 4 379

Awkward

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 08:42 - Australia

Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet, and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 633

You deserved it 6 296

By Alice - 30/08/2015 12:13 - United States - Logan

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 609

You deserved it 3 299

By Bart - 03/07/2015 04:32 - France - Lille

Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 70

By mikeycoco - 20/05/2011 14:39

Today, I got motion sickness while having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 362

You deserved it 6 906

By stranded - 19/05/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 885

You deserved it 15 979

You! Out!

By loquacious shit stain - 07/02/2013 17:11 - Australia

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 759

You deserved it 47 513

By no tp - 15/02/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 812

You deserved it 8 341

By cookies1616 - 23/04/2015 03:50 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 466

You deserved it 4 976

cookies1616 tells us more.

cookies1616 5

Thursday 23 April 2015 17:44

(Heyyy, girl who made the post here! Had to make an account to reply). No, neither of us have piercings and neither of us know why it happened. While my boyfriend was searching on the internet for what exactly we should do, he found some guy who said he ripped his while eating a pear. I'd like to think I'm less of an idiot than that guy.

By heartless - 11/03/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 587

You deserved it 2 525

By chubbyreddevil - 31/01/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 763

You deserved it 2 400

Ewwww

By SayWhat - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to throw out the garbage outside. I noticed at the bottom of my can was a lot of rice. I was angry at my brother for making a mess. As I went to clean it up, the rice moved. It wasn't rice, it was maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 990

You deserved it 4 877

By Rinelric1998 - 31/10/2013 02:59 - United States - Greensboro

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 502

You deserved it 5 898

By Trinity - 19/11/2012 22:37 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 475

You deserved it 2 601

Good boy

By bonertoolong - 23/11/2011 08:19 - United States

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 569

You deserved it 24 114

By Username - 12/11/2011 02:04 - United States

Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 017

You deserved it 2 921

By Confuseddad - 16/02/2016 22:17 - United Kingdom

Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 591

You deserved it 1 650

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 173

You deserved it 4 746

By MarissaKayleen - 12/08/2013 10:06 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 219

You deserved it 4 286

MarissaKayleen tells us more.

MarissaKayleen 9

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:11

Haha! I love the comments! I just want to let everyone know, I am not making fun of him or bashing him. I love how he is taking this situation. He seriously is the best :)

By momoffour - 05/12/2010 09:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 768

You deserved it 3 298