zealen74

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Zealen74's favorite FMLs

By Mrs. Awkward - 15/10/2018 12:00

Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it's perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML

agreeclassic 2 653

vote type 1 303

By Coffee - 06/08/2018 16:30

Today, I went to Starbucks to get my free birthday coffee and due to a mistake I received two. Thinking it was my lucky day, I hurried off to work. As I was walking in, I tripped and spilt one coffee all over my new dress. Then I walked into a door and spilt the other. FML

agreeclassic 2 890

vote type 1 1 115

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

agreeclassic 4 671

vote type 1 638

By Money Shot - 15/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum on the deck, but when I rolled back, my elderly neighbor yelled, "Don't do that in the open if you won’t give up the money shot." FML

agreeclassic 2 328

vote type 1 9 213

By MerryChristmas - 15/07/2018 14:30 - United States - Moore

Today, I went to a Christmas-themed amusement park with my 21-year-old autistic sister who adores Christmas. She took her picture with Santa and started crying happy tears. Then Santa asked her loudly, "Aren't you beyond old enough to know I'm not real?" Vacation ruined. FML

agreeclassic 5 786

vote type 1 455