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Alicesrestaurant_fml_fml's favorite FMLs

By shutupandsmile18 - 18/04/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

agreeclassic 47 070

vote type 1 16 870

By gringa_Peru - 18/04/2009 01:19 - Peru

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

agreeclassic 170 287

vote type 1 9 878

Defense!

By ruined_suit - 17/04/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML

agreeclassic 58 131

vote type 1 7 136

By Daniel_rules - 17/04/2009 17:02 - United States

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

agreeclassic 568

vote type 1 93

Dumbass

By .... - 17/04/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the driver's side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

agreeclassic 13 183

vote type 1 108 587