qmberkey

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North Bend Wa, U.S.A
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Qmberkey's favorite FMLs

By paymeinhugs - 17/03/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

agreeclassic 89 553

vote type 1 6 359

By Anonymous - 11/06/2014 22:20 - United States - Barnhart

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

agreeclassic 54 660

vote type 1 8 173

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

agreeclassic 53 450

vote type 1 9 806

By FMyBrain - 06/06/2014 21:26 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

agreeclassic 52 521

vote type 1 6 046

By ugh - 01/06/2014 22:15 - United States - Concord

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

agreeclassic 47 555

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