crisponater

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Crisponater's favorite FMLs

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

agreeclassic 799

vote type 1 1 940

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 17:49 - United States

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

agreeclassic 37 746

vote type 1 6 147

Make your mind up

By FML! - 07/08/2011 00:27 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

agreeclassic 47 770

vote type 1 6 598

By MakeMeASandwich - 10/06/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with, "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

agreeclassic 57 353

vote type 1 8 956

By nerdsgetmehot - 07/04/2011 16:55 - United States

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

agreeclassic 55 856

vote type 1 5 869