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Brain fart

By Anonymous - 15/08/2025 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked up to a store’s automatic doors. They didn’t open. I waved my arms, stepped back and forward again, nothing. A staff member came over, tapped a button, and said, “It’s manual.” FML

agreeclassic 180

vote type 1 319

Bathroom breakdown

By Anonymous - 10/04/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I used the public restroom at a park. After washing my hands, I went to dry them, only to realize there were no paper towels. I thought the air dryer would work, but it broke halfway through, leaving me standing there, awkwardly fanning my hands with my arms spread wide. A group of teenagers walked in and started laughing at me. FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 307

Thud

By Dammit - 03/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I got home after a long day and collapsed onto my bed… forgetting I'd left my laptop open on it. Now I have an expensive, broken pillow. FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 449

Odd punishment

By Anonymous - 14/05/2025 06:00 - Hong Kong

Today, one of my classmates got bullied and the whole class got to wrote 2000 words about that. FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 461

SK8 OR DIE

By Anonymous - 09/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I tried to be the cool older cousin by teaching my nephew how to skateboard. He’s now doing tricks, and I’m sitting on the sidewalk with a sprained ankle because I haven't skated since the Bush administration. FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 455

I'll get my coat

By Rossi - 17/04/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, the guy I like shared a repost on his Instagram story that said, “No message is a message. Take the hint and move on.” He’d left my last message to him on “Seen” for 4 days now. FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 355

Life's not fair

By Anonymous - 18/12/2025 00:00

Today, I hate the job I am in and just want a minimum wage to live through. My dad gave away millions because it's "his money" and I need to put up with entitled male chauvinistic idiots at work. I would only need a fraction of the amount he donated to live peacefully for the entirety of my life. FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 527

Doomerism

By Karmen - 01/01/2026 03:00

Today, I learned that my country has canceled all our offshore wind farms, putting the fight against the climate crisis back probably fifty years. When I told my husband, he said, "Good, we don't want to be the beached whale capital of the world". THE CLIMATE CRISIS, PEOPLE! FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 269

Go vegan for the economy

By Anonymous - 21/04/2025 00:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I argued with my roommate about which eggs to buy: organic, pasture-raised, free-range, or AI-verified climate-positive. We settled on whatever was cheapest. They were $9. FML

agreeclassic 178

vote type 1 360

Trapped

By Embarassed - 01/10/2025 22:00

Today, I wished my best friend a happy birthday with a long, heartfelt post on social media. Turns out her birthday is next week, she'd just set a trap by changing the date on her profile. I was so confident that I even added, “Finally remembered this year!” FML

agreeclassic 178

vote type 1 351

Six feet under

By Anonymous - 25/08/2025 21:00

Today, on my first day driving a hearse, I took a wrong turn and of course every car behind followed me. Out of pure habit I had turned right into the main street as though I was driving home, when I should've turned left. At least my wife got to see me from the window as I drove past the house. FML

agreeclassic 178

vote type 1 357

Slapstick delivery

By KLO65 - 14/03/2025 09:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, after I ordered a large package online, it arrived with a massive dent. I called customer service to complain, but when the customer service guy asked for a photo, I went to grab my phone to take the picture. I tripped, dropped my phone, and recorded a video of me swearing loudly. I ended up sending the video along with the complaint. FML

agreeclassic 177

vote type 1 408

Hey good lookin'

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I realized that whether it takes me 3 minutes or 3 hours to get ready, my husband always has the same reaction, “Uh… yeah babe, you look fine.” Thanks for the confidence boost babe. FML

agreeclassic 177

vote type 1 434

Inside job

By Anonymous - 15/11/2025 12:00

Today, my coworkers were always too nice, and I thought it was suspicious. I asked my boss why my shifts were vanishing and she finally that admitted everyone thinks I’m “too slow.” So the niceness was fake and I was the inside joke the whole time. I quit on the spot… then remembered I’m a broke uni student with no backup plan. FML

agreeclassic 177

vote type 1 385

You've got something…

By Chris - 04/08/2025 00:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I rushed out of the bathroom with toothpaste smeared all over my chin and cheek. I was so anxious about going on a date that I didn’t realize this until said date pointed it out halfway through dinner. FML

agreeclassic 177

vote type 1 410

Smash that button

By Ihategamersex - 26/12/2025 20:00

Today, my boyfriend, who is a full-time gamer, said to me during sex, "I want to right click you so bad." FML

agreeclassic 177

vote type 1 84

Thoughts and prayers

By Broke babe - 05/11/2025 20:00

Today, at a family dinner, I mentioned I was worried about money and my job. My rich grandmother decided to announce that she'd pray for me. Thanks, Gran, I'm sure talking to Magic Sky Wizard will be more helpful than just forking over some cash. FML

agreeclassic 177

vote type 1 769

Virallity gone wrong

By Anonymous - 18/04/2025 15:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a screenshot of an old tweet of mine went viral. Unfortunately, it was completely taken out of context, thinking it was saying the opposite of what I actually meant, and now I’m trending on both “Libs of TikTok” and “Woke Watch” or whatever the fuck. FML

agreeclassic 176

vote type 1 366

Panic!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to FaceTime my crush instead of texting him. I panicked, dropped my phone, then answered the call with an unflattering close-up of my forehead. FML

agreeclassic 176

vote type 1 369

My new friends

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a woman back to my place, but we were both too drunk for sex so we decided to nap for a few hours, then fuck. Yeah, we both woke up covered in red spots. Hell of a way to discover my house has become infested with bed bugs. She ran out so fast… FML

agreeclassic 176

vote type 1 329

Rolling thunder

By Dana - 21/11/2025 00:00

Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML

agreeclassic 176

vote type 1 323

Try hard

By David - 10/01/2025 15:00 - Australia

Today, I confidently told my new coworker, "See you tomorrow!" It’s Friday. Now they think I’m either too eager to please management or I don’t know how days work. FML

agreeclassic 176

vote type 1 343

Gamer boy

By I married a child - 20/12/2025 03:00

Today, I watched my 35 year-old husband start up a new video game. He named his character "Boner." FML

agreeclassic 176

vote type 1 325

No friends, no problems

By Anonymous - 27/03/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son got the last of his furniture delivered and finally moved into his first house. This boy has exactly one chair, a massive armchair pointed at the TV. When I asked him where the hell visitors are supposed to sit, he said that visitors generally won’t be welcome, even me. FML

agreeclassic 175

vote type 1 447

Speech! Speech!

By Olivia - 03/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Monterey

Today, I had to give a speech at my sister’s wedding. I spent weeks preparing every word. When it was finally my turn, I stood up to the microphone and froze. Instead of something like, "Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both," I mixed up whatever jokes I'd prepared in my brain, and blurted out, “I’m in love with your husband.” FML

agreeclassic 175

vote type 1 484

Never going outside again

By Anonymous - 29/03/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I got back home after I decided on a whim to embark on a solo adventure in the Australian Outback. My truck got stranded due to rising floodwaters, and I was stuck for days without communication. Rescue finally came, but now I'm reconsidering any solo further trips. FML

agreeclassic 175

vote type 1 440

Good boy nonetheless

By Ethan - 18/08/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my new puppy to the dog park, proud of my cute little fluff ball. Instead of behaving nicely like the other dogs present, my dog ignored every toy, treat and friendly dog, and ran straight into a pond. He emerged soaked, covered in mud, and proudly dropped a muddy stick at my feet like it was a trophy. FML

agreeclassic 175

vote type 1 397

Making a scene

By Anonymous - 28/02/2025 00:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I was at a coffee shop with my boyfriend when we got into a little argument. I was trying to keep it calm and quiet, but my boyfriend yelled, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS TO ME!" The entire coffee shop went silent. Then, an old lady yelled, “Finally, someone said it!” FML

agreeclassic 174

vote type 1 378

Overconfident

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I tried carrying all my groceries inside in one trip. I succeeded, but also succeeded in tearing the handles, dropping everything, and rolling a can of soup straight under my neighbor’s car. Never trust cheap tote bags. FML

agreeclassic 174

vote type 1 380

Locked down

By Anonymous - 17/07/2025 19:00 - Japan

Today, I bought the Nintendo Switch in Japan, only to realize that it is the Japan-locked version, and I can't use it elsewhere. FML

agreeclassic 174

vote type 1 433

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

agreeclassic 31 098

vote type 1 3 770

Today, I was walking down my road in the hill-country of Texas, when I spotted something shiny buried in the dirt. Thinking it could be something interesting, I picked it up, and, after turning it over numerous times in my hand, realized that it was, in fact, an old silver bullet vibrator. FML

agreeclassic 6 124

vote type 1 1 090

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

agreeclassic 42 035

vote type 1 26 663

Today, I was let go from an unpaid internship. The reasons cited was that I seemed unhappy at work. No, that's just my face. FML

agreeclassic 20 916

vote type 1 2 009

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

agreeclassic 35 631

vote type 1 18 381

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

agreeclassic 51 606

vote type 1 3 493