Spicy

Busblocked

By bummerdood - 26/08/2012 04:15 - United States - Wichita

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 800

You deserved it 8 019

My wife

By Michael D. - 25/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Duluth

Spicy

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 871

You deserved it 27 192

By chunkymonkey - 24/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 344

You deserved it 10 353

By Rotarius - 23/08/2012 18:09 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 954

You deserved it 37 047

By WTF - 22/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Ottawa

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 562

You deserved it 3 013

Scary

By Anonymous - 22/08/2012 20:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 821

You deserved it 31 482

By Confused - 22/08/2012 16:33 - Spain - Madrid

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 832

You deserved it 4 435

By ihateveganism - 22/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Barrington

Spicy

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 340

You deserved it 10 026

By m - 22/08/2012 01:59 - United States - Stamford

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 040

You deserved it 5 893

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 17:39 - United States - Charlotte

Spicy

Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 673

You deserved it 2 343

By majorlyturnedoff - 21/08/2012 03:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 351

You deserved it 3 343

Horndog

By Anonymous - 20/08/2012 02:05 - United States - La Grange

Spicy

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 785

You deserved it 5 678

By sal - 19/08/2012 02:48 - United States - Rexburg

Spicy

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 963

You deserved it 4 063

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 464

You deserved it 6 902

Thanks, auntie

By itwasmyfavoriteshirt - 16/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Bentonville

Spicy

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 182

You deserved it 3 713

WHAT?

By what the FUCK - 15/08/2012 22:52 - United States - Midlothian

Spicy

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 388

You deserved it 3 294

By foreveravirgin - 15/08/2012 19:07 - United States - New Orleans

Spicy

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 763

You deserved it 7 318

Pussy power

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Noblesville

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 785

You deserved it 5 598

So good

By shelby124 - 15/08/2012 16:31 - United States - York

Spicy

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 137

You deserved it 39 953

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 425

You deserved it 3 441

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 04:04 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 656

You deserved it 2 551

Star Wars brain

By cl4ptp - 14/08/2012 12:17 - United Kingdom - Barry

Spicy

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 256

You deserved it 7 705

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 05:16 - United States - Norfolk

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 472

You deserved it 4 930

By Anonymous - 13/08/2012 18:48 - United Kingdom - Goole

Spicy

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 081

You deserved it 5 225

Danger zone

By didntevenknow - 13/08/2012 15:06 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 582

You deserved it 38 186

Tiny Tim

By hmmmm - 13/08/2012 12:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 371

You deserved it 5 489

By happybirthday - 12/08/2012 05:49 - United States - Wrentham

Spicy

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 582

You deserved it 3 481

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Spicy

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 424

You deserved it 43 639

Pervs, pervs everywhere

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 10:33 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 342

You deserved it 5 547

By dafuqdidihear - 11/08/2012 06:53 - Canada - Brampton

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 500

You deserved it 8 516

dafuqdidihear tells us more.

dafuqdidihear 11

Saturday 11 August 2012 22:13

I'm the original poster. He left, scared that my roommate would come in... I don't live with my parents and I'm most definitely not too young for sex, if I may say so myself. I live in a two story with a large tree in my backyard (hence how he managed to enter my room). He didn't want my roommate seeing him because my roommate just about despises my boyfriend. She'd snap, had she seen him. The last time they had an encounter was in a supermarket and she gave him a black eye. Long story. So he left... Leaving my roommate to wonder why I was tied to a bed at 1am, alone and naked. My answer to why was funny though.. I told her I didn't know why I was tied to a bed, nor naked. I said I woke up that way a while ago and screamed for help but nobody came, so I decided to merely wait for her. lol. She was creeped out and now she won't sleep in her room without her window and doors locked.

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The Top

The Top

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 533

You deserved it 36 062

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 043

You deserved it 3 427

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 645

You deserved it 11 658

Today, we found out my brother in law cheated on my sister. Somehow they’ve blamed me for the whole incident. I don’t know the guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 141

Today, a professor accused me of using ChatGPT to write an essay. His proof? My use of em dashes. You know, these – things. I have always used them. Look – – –, here's a few more. I'm so annoyed with AI and I'm afraid it's going to get worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 75

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 638

You deserved it 3 325