Spicy

Rubbing one out on the sly

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:56 - United States - Camarillo

Spicy

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

agreeclassic 28 578

vote type 1 2 463

Who's at fault?

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:35 - United States - Keuka Park

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

agreeclassic 28 926

vote type 1 2 611

By pudh - 05/08/2015 11:08 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

agreeclassic 33 622

vote type 1 3 891

pudh app_comment_confession_title

pudh 0

Thursday 6 August 2015 2:02

Author's comment (pu): For the record, I did not make her feel crap about it. We laughed about it for hours before posting it on FML.

By ahhh - 03/08/2015 06:06 - United States - Northbrook

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

agreeclassic 39 044

vote type 1 7 377

By Anonymous - 02/08/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

agreeclassic 27 760

vote type 1 3 530

By single and unbuggered - 31/07/2015 21:04 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Spicy

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

agreeclassic 27 324

vote type 1 2 290

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

agreeclassic 21 405

vote type 1 34 784

By doodoobref - 31/07/2015 05:38 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Spicy

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

agreeclassic 19 943

vote type 1 30 165

We need to talk

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 19:29 - Canada - Foam Lake

Spicy

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

agreeclassic 32 681

vote type 1 2 987

Turn on

By RuasaLove - 30/07/2015 02:34 - United States - Pleasantville

Spicy

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

agreeclassic 30 474

vote type 1 8 935

Alarmed

By oops - 29/07/2015 06:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

agreeclassic 30 005

vote type 1 9 803

Drunken antics

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 06:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

agreeclassic 28 302

vote type 1 3 403

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

agreeclassic 34 330

vote type 1 2 989

By anon - 27/07/2015 04:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

agreeclassic 29 598

vote type 1 5 973

Turn me on

By wot02 - 27/07/2015 02:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

agreeclassic 30 415

vote type 1 3 308

By Sad Mom - 25/07/2015 02:04 - United States - Wylie

Spicy

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

agreeclassic 32 039

vote type 1 5 600

By strangely - 25/07/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

agreeclassic 35 390

vote type 1 6 315

By fuck - 24/07/2015 16:44 - Canada - Cowansville

Spicy

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

agreeclassic 31 735

vote type 1 3 145

By oil300 - 23/07/2015 02:34 - Australia - Hawker

Spicy

Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML

agreeclassic 32 175

vote type 1 2 508

oil300 app_comment_confession_title

oil300 17

Thursday 23 July 2015 12:29

Ahahah some of the comments here are pretty funny...but some are pretty off...you weirdos

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 11:52 - United States - Garland

Spicy

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

agreeclassic 29 029

vote type 1 3 634

By Bishop423 - 22/07/2015 04:21 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

agreeclassic 35 973

vote type 1 2 524

Bishop423 app_comment_confession_title

Bishop423 14

Wednesday 22 July 2015 20:19

OP here. Yes it was the same guy both times. The reason why I didn't call the police is because he didn't actually expose himself. He clearly knew that he was doing something wrong because he checked to see if we were watching. I asked two different managers what to do, and both failed to provide a satisfactory answer so I was left to my own devices. The first time I caught him I told him he wasn't allowed to do that. The second time I actually closed the browser and told him that this was the last time this was gonna happen.

By Marika - 20/07/2015 17:48 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

agreeclassic 33 369

vote type 1 9 247

Spooky

By creepedout - 20/07/2015 03:00 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it "hard and rough." He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

agreeclassic 30 149

vote type 1 2 356

Noob

By facepalming all the way - 19/07/2015 06:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

agreeclassic 26 763

vote type 1 2 358

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

agreeclassic 36 301

vote type 1 5 030

By padthaimeanoose - 19/07/2015 03:29 - Canada - Surrey

Spicy

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

agreeclassic 30 970

vote type 1 2 466

Educate your sons

By Anonymous - 18/07/2015 05:00 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

agreeclassic 35 151

vote type 1 5 878

Creepy

By battle1 - 17/07/2015 11:00 - United States - Marietta

Spicy

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

agreeclassic 30 641

vote type 1 4 393

By jealousgirl - 16/07/2015 21:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, after having to spend over an hour yesterday giving the man I'm in love with advice on how to impress his date yesterday evening, I got to spend another hour listening to how great their sex was last night. FML

agreeclassic 29 477

vote type 1 8 142

Mortifying

By Anonymous - 15/07/2015 16:29 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say, "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

agreeclassic 37 356

vote type 1 2 755

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I noticed that my dad's WhatsApp profile picture was a very close up shot of his new wife's boob. None of us know how long he had this online. FML

agreeclassic 3 134

vote type 1 266

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked, "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently, I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

agreeclassic 21 656

vote type 1 48 883

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

agreeclassic 25 681

vote type 1 2 349

Today, while cat-sitting at a very nice house, I noticed an outlet had started smoking. I called 911 and got it taken care of, but the homeowners want me to pay for the electrician, since it happened while I was there. They only paid me $40 for the weekend and the electrician wants $350. FML

agreeclassic 1 875

vote type 1 116

Today, my sister finally came home from the hospital with my new baby nephew. When I got a chance to hold him, my mother mentioned that he looked a lot like me when I was a baby. My sister started crying. FML

agreeclassic 22 330

vote type 1 1 666

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

agreeclassic 24 650

vote type 1 2 249